Page 49 of Smooth Talk

I need some space so we can talk, because with his hips pressed against me, talking is the last thing on my mind. I take another step back and ask “So, earlier we didn’t get the chance to talk, and we haven’t been alone all evening.”

“Yeah, you wanna talk now?”

“I do.” He takes my hand and leads me to a bench swing a few yards away where we sit (still holding hands). I take a deep breath and say what I need to say, “I’m interested in seeing where this goes, Gray. I like you. If we’re not something you’re interested in, I’d like to know now.”

“We?”

“Me and Harp. We’re kind of a package deal.”

“I know, Poppy. I thought I made it pretty clear when I introduced you as my dates earlier. I specifically didn’t use the word ‘friends,’ because that’s not what I want with you. I’m open to possibilities, and I want to see where our relationship goes. I like you too. A lot. I want to date you. If you’d ever say yes when I ask,” he pauses, raising his eyebrows and smiling at me. I smile back and nod.

“I want you. But it’s more than just physical. I’ve never felt a connection with a woman like I have with you. I want to explore that. And I’d like for us to be exclusive while we do it,” he says lightly squeezes my hand. I nod again, completely, one hundred percent, on board with everything he’s saying. “I’m not perfect and I know I’ll fuck shit up—erm mess up (sorry) along the way. Please be patient with me. Help me through this. I haven’t dated since college, and I was slightly less mature then,” he adds almost bashfully. “So, in a lot of ways, I’m a novice. I need an experienced guide.” His eyes sparkle as he smiles at me.

I chuckle, “I don’t know if my experience will be any help. I’ve had three serious relationships and they’ve all ended badly. Like, epic fails.” I think about my high school boyfriend. I’d learned from him how not to treat the person you care about. Unable to deal with the shame of having been publicly dumped by the prom king, I ran to Em’s, and hid out on the vineyard all summer. That mad dash had led to a seasonal fling, that was absolutely swoon-worthy until he went back home, and I’d run away to New York. Scared of my feelings. Hurt that I’d been rejected twice in as many months. Wondering if I would ever find a man that could stay. At least he’d been honest from the start. I knew it would be short-term, but it still hurt when he left. He had at least shown me how someone you care about deserves to be treated. Then I’d met Reed and wasted all that knowledge on someone who could only care about himself. After that disaster I ran home, licking my wounds.

There’s definitely a pattern to my behavior. One I’m hoping to break. I either need to upgrade the quality of men I date or to invest in a better BS detector. Reed was a much better actor than I gave him credit for. Gray, for sure, wears a mask for the public, but he’s only ever been open and honest with me. Can I trust my judgement with him? Am I blinded by how seemingly perfect he is? I’m questioning myself again. I look into his eyes and am taken aback at the understanding I see there. He’s patiently waiting for me to stop wavering; quiet my inner dialogue and open up to him.

I take a deep breath; It’s time to move forward. With Gray. We’ll take it slow. One day at a time. “I’m not perfect either and I’ll make mistakes too. We can guide each other. Be honest with me. I’ll be honest with you.” I find myself repeating the words of my father, “Trust is the foundation relationships are built on. Love and effort are the bricks and mortar. That’s all I really know.” He pulls me into him again, tilting my face up gently, using his long smooth fingers under my chin.

“Sounds like you know a lot, Poppy Monroe, and I’d be honored to build something epic with you.” I can’t stop the hope bubbling up inside me. Maybe Gray and I can create something larger-than-life. He kisses me again. And to be honest, it’s pretty epic.

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