Page 38 of Sanctuary

“How so?”

“I can’t really remember the last time I had my nails done.” She held her hands closer for Rae’s inspection. “I don’t even paint them myself. I suspect that’d be a disaster though, so it’s probably for the best that I don’t try.”

“So in what way is it progress?” Rae asked.

“I might be starting to think about taking better care of my appearance, more so than just the basics, I think.” Lori picked up her coffee and took a far longer sip than she should have, and she coughed. She glanced at her watch; her time was ticking away, and she had to get back for Gabe to pick up that fricking car. She looked up at Rae, who waited patiently, as she always did, never filling the silences that were all Lori’s. That space was reserved, awaiting only her words and feelings. “A week ago, I went back to that building for the first time since, well, since the last time. The time. When my world imploded.”

“And why did you choose to do that?”

Lori huffed. “I didn’t choose to do it. I was with someone who wanted to see what was inside.”

“And you chose to let them?”

Yes, she knew what Rae was getting at; she always had a choice. She could choose how to act, how to react, what to say, what not to say. “She asked nicely,” Lori said, instantly aware of the petulance in her voice. You’re thirty years old, she told herself.

“Were you worried what they might think if you said no?”

She paused before snapping out a rote response and gave Rae’s question the time it deserved. “I didn’t think about that. I wanted her to be happy, and it seemed like going into the workshop would do that.”

“Is there a reason her feelings mattered more to you than your own, Lori?”

“I wasn’t thinking about my feelings, really. I didn’t want to go in, so I didn’t. But Gabe did, and I thought I’d be okay if I let her.”

“But it wasn’t okay?”

“She got very excited about the stupid car. And that started a whole chain of events I hadn’t anticipated.” She clasped her hands together then rested them on her lap, trying to keep them relaxed. Then she relayed the story about the restoration project, the possible repurposing of the workshop to a veterinary clinic, and the damn contract Bruce had drawn up in an impossibly speedy time.

“You seem most upset about the contract,” Rae said.

And waited.

“It’s not the contract, per se. It’s what it represents.” A flash of the confusion and disappointment on Gabe’s face came into her mind. Lori had ached to take it away, but she couldn’t. And she’d hid behind the requirements of her family’s non-profit. All of which were true, of course, but there was so much more behind her motivation to wrangle Gabe into a legally binding document.

“What does it represent, Lori?”

She bit her lip. Trust was earned, her mom had always said. But equally, wasn’t a modicum of it automatically afforded in order to build on for any kind of relationship? The lawyer had taken a wrecking ball to Lori’s trust foundations.

“Lori, I can see you processing internally. Saying those things out loud can often breathe life into them. And once they’re really alive, you can choose whether to nurture them or begin to systematically deconstruct them.”

Or kill them off completely. That would be Lori’s preference. “Apparently, the contract represents my inability to trust anyone new in my life. Even if our board hadn’t required it, I would’ve insisted on one anyway. I kind of told her that too.”

“How did she react?”

“She was incredibly understanding, actually.” She stifled a small giggle, remembering Gabe’s rather vociferous objection to that word. Lori would never have expected a soldier to care that much about language. But Gabe was no ordinary soldier, and Lori was fast realizing that.

“Gabe is an ex-soldier you’re allowing to visit her old bomb dog who’s one of your rescues, is that right?”

Lori nodded. “Yes, my friend Toni arranged for Max—the dog—to be sent to the Sanctuary because he was no longer able to do his job following a bombing. I said yes to Gabe visiting, but then it turned out she was settling in Chicago, and she asked if she could visit him weekly.”

“And how did you feel about that?”

Lori focused on her to-go mug again and took another overly long drink. The caffeine hit the back of her throat and sent a jolt through her entire system. Maybe she’d put in one scoop too many. “How did I feel about that?” she asked as though it wasn’t the same phrase she’d heard from Rae a hundred times over the past year. Therapy only worked if she was honest… “She’s a character from one of those war-duty-blow-up video games. Six feet tall. Carved from marble. Beautiful eyes that you could stare into for days.” Lori sighed deeply. She hadn’t had that kind of visceral reaction to a woman for a long, long time.

“And that was…what?”

“Terrifying,” Lori said. “For a nanosecond, the thought of a one-night stand crossed my mind. The attraction was mutual, and better yet, she was just supposed to be passing through, so there wouldn’t be any awkwardness in the afterglow.” She shook her head. “Thankfully, that thought didn’t manifest into action, because I think I would’ve had to move back to New York.”

“Why?”

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