Page 37 of Sanctuary

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Lori pulled into the parking lot of the strip mall and killed the engine. She took a moment to gather her thoughts and remind herself that going to therapy was okay. Rosie had convinced her to start going not long after the lawyer started divorce proceedings, and that had taken time and patience on her part. Up to that point in her life, Lori had been pretty self-sufficient and when she needed advice, she always went to her mom.

But the effect of seeing the woman she’d thought was the love of her life enjoying someone else with such vigor required professional help. And that’s where Rae Trent came in. Marriage counselor extraordinaire. Except there was no marriage to counsel because the lawyer had been blunt about how miserable she was and that she had no interest in trying to salvage their relationship.

Still, Lori needed to work on her relationship with herself, and a visit here every two weeks had been helping with that. But this hadn’t been on her Monday morning schedule until she’d called Rae on Saturday evening. Lori drifted back to the long afternoon she’d spent with Gabe, and a lunch that had turned into her dumping her baggage at Gabe’s feet. The fact that Gabe had asked her to didn’t matter. What mattered was how emotionally wrung out she’d been during and especially after her confession.

Clearly, she still had a lot of work to do.

She took one of those deep, cleansing breaths Rae had taught her and blew it out slowly. Apparently, some people could draw air into their lungs for over two minutes, but even on her best attempt, Lori hadn’t made it beyond forty-five seconds. Maybe if she could get to the two-minute mark, she’d finally be able to release all of the toxic waste inside her along with the out breath.

She could hope.

Lori grabbed her purse and to-go mug, pre-loaded with her strongest home brew, and headed into Rae’s office. The receptionist directed her to go straight in, so she knocked and entered when Rae called out.

“Hi, Lori,” she said, in her evergreen breezy tone.

“Good morning, Rae.” She hadn’t registered that she had her bag clutched to her chest until Rae raised both her eyebrows and directed her gaze at Lori’s torso. “Oh.” She dropped her arms and hung the purse on the arm of the chair she never sat in before she lowered herself gently into the plush armchair she always preferred and placed her mug on a coaster on the table beside her.

Rae gestured to the coffee. “Leaded or unleaded?”

“Leaded. Heavy, heavy lead,” Lori said and smiled.

“It’s one of those days?”

Lori nodded. “Thank you for squeezing me in today on such short notice.”

Rae waved her hand. “Let’s not waste our precious time on unnecessary pleasantries, Lori. I told you I’d always make time if you were having difficulty between sessions.” She picked up her writing pad and smiled. “What’s brought you to me today?”

“Is there supposed to be a timeline on this?” Lori asked, not quite ready to get into the meat of her issue.

Rae’s mouth twitched slightly, and she narrowed her eyes. “You think you’re moving too fast or too slow?”

Lori pressed herself into the back of the chair. “I thought I was moving along just fine.”

“Until?”

“How long do you spend with your average client? A year? Two? Do you think I’ll have to see you for the rest of my life?” She blinked away the unexpected presence of tears and tried to distract herself with happy thoughts. Elephants in Koh Samui. White sand and turquoise sea water. Papaya salad… But Rae hadn’t answered her question. “What do you think?”

“I have patients who’ve been with me for years and others for a few months. And I think you’ll come to see me as long as you want to, Lori. You’re an intelligent woman; you know your own mind and what you need.”

Lori shook her head. “That used to be me. Now I’m an emotional time bomb who could go off any given second. I’d been doing really well, hadn’t I? I thought I was doing fine.” She rolled her eyes, realizing she’d repeated herself, and she knew what would follow.

“Until?” Rae asked again.

They’d been doing this dance for a year, and yet Lori was ever hopeful that Rae would move differently, that she might simply give Lori the answers instead of having her root around the dark of her own insides with a match that kept burning down to her fingers. How she longed for a frigging Maglite. “Until about a week ago. And even then, I’d been managing to keep a lid on it in front of everyone. If you ask Rosie or Beth or Fran, I bet they’d say I was fine. Or as fine as I’ve been since the lawyer left me.”

“I’m not interested in their opinions, Lori. You know that.”

Yes, she knew that. Rae was only interested in getting Lori to spill her thoughts and feelings, her terrors and fears. Which was only right, of course, since Lori was paying for the privilege. But God, sometimes…

“What happened a week ago, Lori?”

“I was vaguely tempted to swing into the adjacent nail salon instead of keeping our appointment today.” She stretched out her hands and inspected her non-existent manicure. God, she’d been letting so many things go that she used to take pride in.

“And what do you think about that temptation now?” Rae asked, pen poised over her legal pad.

Lori considered that for a moment. Seconds ago, she’d thought it was avoidance, but it wasn’t. “It seems like it might be a kind of progress in itself.”

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