Page 87 of Singled Out

I sat there for ages, considering where to start, how to convey what was in my head. Maybe I was half hoping she’d get sick of waiting, give up on me, and leave. It would’ve been easier.

“I think I told you my dad left my mom for another woman when I was a kid,” I began. “I came home from school one day, and all his stuff was gone. My mom’s eyes were red as she explained he’d moved to Nashville. That messed me up good. I went through years of counseling to work through it. Thank God my mom got me counseling. Maybe you went through the same sort of thing when your parents split.”

“My mom didn’t desert me. I mean, she ended up across the country, but she visits. We talk often enough. And I was a senior in high school at the time, so I was older and focused on getting out of school, becoming an adult. Not trying to get through middle school or puberty.”

I nodded. If my dad had wanted to stay in my life, maybe it would’ve been less traumatic. “He tried to take my brother and sister and me out for dinner a couple of times not long after he left. Levi was pissed at him. Dakota was too young to understand what was going on. I couldn’t act like everything was fine. Each time, dinner was awkward and awful. The longest hour and a half of my life. He stopped trying after that. He called us on our birthdays. Couldn’t be bothered with Christmas because he and his new wife liked to travel for the holidays.” I shrugged. “It became easier to give up on him than to hope things would get better.”

Harper’s brow furrowed as she listened.

“I thought I was over it, but now I have Danny to protect, and that’s brought a lot of the old stuff to the surface,” I said. “Jamie named me guardian because he went through the same thing—his dad took off—and he trusted me to put Danny’s needs first.”

“So you’re going to stay single for your whole life?” she asked, disbelieving.

“Until he’s grown. I never intended to get married anyway. My parents soured me on the idea. I like my life the way it is.”

“Lately you’ve been having your cake and eating it too.” There was more than a little resentment in her tone.

“That was our agreement,” I reminded her. “Casual, fun, short-term. No strings.”

“Yeah, that’s my bad. I’m the idiot who let myself feel things.” There was heat in her words, and I suspected it was directed toward her instead of me. I didn’t want her down on herself. I was the one with the deep-seated problems here.

She stood abruptly. “I’m sorry your dad hurt you so bad, Max. I’m sorry I caught feelings for you. That was never my plan.” She kicked the dock with her toe repeatedly. “I’ve told you before I would never intentionally hurt Danny.”

I stood too. “Key word being intentionally. There’s no way to know how long we would last, Harper. I can’t put Danny in the position to lose again. He’s already lost too much.”

As much as I hated the idea of not spending nights with Harper anymore, Danny’s needs had to come first.

“I feel sorry for you,” she said quietly. “You could be loved. Both you and Danny could be loved if you’d just let yourself. By trying so hard to protect him, you’re depriving him of more people to love him.”

Her words rattled me a little, rousing my never-ending doubts regarding fatherhood. Maybe her point was valid, but Danny had my love, my family’s love. There was no question he was well loved, adored, cherished.

She closed her eyes for a moment, a flash of pain crossing her face.

That single moment gutted me. Because I did care about her, more than I’d ever intended to. “I’m sorry, Harper.”

It hurt like hell to end it, but it’d be so much worse the longer we were together.

I was doing the right thing.

“Yeah,” she said in a scoff. “Guess that’ll teach me to let my heart get involved. Thanks for the lesson.”

I started to reach for her, to offer comfort, but I stopped myself. She didn’t want comfort from me. I couldn’t give her what she wanted.

“Have a lovely, lonely life, Max.”

I couldn’t bear to watch her walk away, so I turned back to the water. As I listened to her footsteps receding, a new doubt flared to life. Maybe I’d underestimated how much this would hurt.

All I could do was bury that doubt, ignore that hurt, and remind myself I was doing this for my son first and foremost.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Harper

I walked away from Max’s house in a daze.

I didn’t bother to check whether anyone saw me. What did it matter?

With my head down, I locked my gaze on my running shoes, watching each step, blocking out any emotions, feeling as if I was outside of my body.

---