Page 52 of Aftershock

“And if you want to throw this rock to continue that, then feel free,” she smiled innocently.

Bursting into laughter, I said, “Lexi, I’m not vandalizing your car!”

“Well, you have the option if you’d like,” she shrugged, placing the rock down on the stairs next to me.

Turning away, Lexi attempted to leave.

I grabbed her hand before she could get too far and yelled, “Oh, no, you don't! The last thing I need you to do is go off somewhere and find a branch, then tell me to hit Brian with it!”

“What?” Brian exclaimed in a shrill voice, causing Andrew to completely lose it.

“I was just going to give you some privacy,” she laughed.

“Oh!” I smiled at the gesture. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

“Are you asking me to stay with you while you read the note?”

“Is that something you're comfortable with doing?”

“Of course, Autumn.”

She wasted no time resuming her previous seat next to me. I brought the folded piece of paper onto my lap and grasped it with both hands. Lexi’s hand rubbed small circles on my back. Everything suddenly became real again. The weight I once felt came back.

“I don't know if I can do this.”

“You can.”

Words Have Power

“Why did you come after me?” I asked, releasing a breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding.

“Autumn, I don't know how many times I have to say it before you get it through your thick skull,” she mimicked, knocking on my head as I had done to her earlier. “But I like you. I care about you.”

I believe her.

She actually cared about me. And for once, I wasn’t afraid that she would leave like everyone else had, but of course, not being one to dwell on mushy emotions, I had to lighten the mood by making a joke.

“Wow, a bit obsessed with your fans there, aren’t ya?”

She scoffed. “Weren’t you the one claiming to be so obsessed with me that you tried to answer every single question about me?”

“Maybe,” I mumbled. Could she be just as obsessed with me as I was with her? I mean, she did follow me to my father's funeral. “You know the same goes for you, right? I care about you too.” I leaned towards her, causing our shoulders to bump each other’s.

“No, duh!”

“Touché,” I laughed while shaking my head at her. “Seriously, though. Thank you for coming to find me.”

Meeting her eyes, we held each other's gazes.

“I’d follow you anywhere.”

At that moment, I knew I wasn't alone. Without a second thought, I grasped the edges of the note and pulled them apart, reading its contents.

To Autumn—my favorite season, the most innocent part of me. Remember when you were younger and you asked if I loved you? Maybe the reason I couldn't was because my heart had been failing me. If I could go back and teach you one thing in this world, it would be that no one needs you and you don’t need anyone. If I had left sooner maybe you would’ve learned that lesson all on your own. You are better off without me and I am better off without you. Don't miss me too much because I won't be able to miss you at all.

Humans were not built to be alone for an extended period of time. We needed human contact to stay sane. We needed other people in our lives. Not that you should undervalue the time you spend with your own consciousness, but that you couldn’t stay trapped inside your own mind forever. It was a balancing act. You needed to be able to find out who you were alone and who you were when in the company of others. Liking your alone time and pushing everyone away were two very different things.

There was one thing my father got right, though. I didn't need to mourn his loss. He had been gone for a long time. There was no point in missing someone you never really even knew in the first place. I had my fair share of fantasies and unrealistic expectations, but in the end, I never really knew my father. I'd grieved the thought of missing out on having a protective, strong, and dedicated dad, but that was not who my father was. I missed the idea of having a father. I guess looking back, I could be grateful for his absence because it made me who I was…and I was nothing like him.

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