Page 42 of Aftershock

“Here's the bathroom, and there are some clean towels hanging on the rack. I'll be out in the lounge if you need me,” she explained, turning to exit the room.

Before she got two steps in, I grabbed her arm. “Wait!” She turned her head to look at me. “Uhh, can you stay in here, maybe? Until I’m finished.”

“Sure. Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Everything’s good.”

There was no real reason why, but I just wanted her to stay.

Lexi laid down on the bed, favoring her right side as I walked toward her to pick up the dress she had laid out. I glanced up at her, then paused almost as if I had been put in a trance. She looked so much more relaxed and vulnerable than she did in all of the pictures of her that were in the media. There was no editing, no makeup, no extravagant outfit…it was just her, and that was enough. She looked so beautiful.

I think she sensed I was staring at her because she glanced up to find I had not left the room.

“You sure everything’s okay?”

“Yeah. I just think my shower’s gonna have to be a cold one, now.”

The butterflies grew in my lower abdomen as I walked toward the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I hadn't had this feeling since high school. I forgot how thrilling and amazing it was. My heart was racing, but my hands were steady. It’s like I was scared, but in a good way. It reminded me of something I read in this article a while ago on why people like true crime documentaries and horror stories. Apparently, it was all about the safe simulation of fear—something that managed to excite and scare you but not so much that you feared for your life.

Maybe that’s what love is.

Not to say that I was in love…but deeply “in like.”

I hung the dress on the back of the door and stood in front of the mirror as I took off each piece of clothing I had on. Analyzing my appearance, I let my eyes roam over my body. I did not have a flat stomach. My stretch marks were visible. I had acne scars on my face. My teeth were not pearly white. I had small boobs. My thighs were too big. Yet, for some reason, when I looked at the person staring back at me—for the first time in a long time—I thought she was beautiful. She was worthy. She was strong. She was flawed. But she was also perfect in her own way. For as long as I could remember, my identity had always been defined by other people…by my father's absence.

But I was so much more than that.

That didn't change the fact that I had emotional scars that I would never be able to fully heal from, but scars could be beautiful too. Besides, having a perfect anything would be way too boring.

I stepped into the large walk-in shower and slid the glass door closed behind me.

***

I grabbed the towel on the rack next to the shower and used it to pat myself dry before throwing it into the dirty bin under the sink. As I bent down to pick up my bra up, I stopped mid-way, frozen in horror.

I fucked up.

I didn’t have an extra pair of underwear. I pursed my lips and sighed deeply while looking around to make sure there wasn’t some kind of hidden camera recording me. That’s when I realized I had probably been watching The Office a little too much. I tried to ignore the feeling of shame that engulfed my body as I swallowed my pride and knelt down to pick up my underwear, bringing them to my nose. They smelled clean. Squinting my eyes, I stared at the crotch. They looked clean.

Man, I could really use my suitcase right about now.

With no other option, I slid the old underwear up my legs. I quickened my pace as I put on my bra and shimmied into the dress. I know a lot of people put dresses on by pulling them over their heads, but my hair was too wet to even try and do it that way. My damp curls fell loosely on my shoulders, causing the dress to become slightly wet. I looked down at myself and began to smooth out the creases in the fabric. The dress actually fit pretty well. It had a square neckline with a small slit on up the thigh. The fabric clung to my curves it was so form fitting, almost too much. I could practically see what I had eaten for lunch. I contorted my arm behind me, attempting to zip up the dress before realizing it wasn’t possible. I opened the door that led to the bedroom and peeked my head out.

“Yes?” Lexi asked with her attention still directed down at her phone.

“Can you zip this up for me?” I asked while still reaching my arms behind me to grasp the zipper. I struggled for a while longer, before realizing Lexi hadn't moved. “Lexi?”

“Sorry, it's just…you look…. just wow. I was right when I said you would look amazing, and I just failed to realize how amazing.”

And then the craziest thing happened.

I believed her. I did look amazing and it's so rare that I ever felt that way about myself. Lexi smiled at me while hopping onto her feet.

I pushed my hair out of the way as she sauntered behind me and pulled my zipper up. “Thank you.”

I felt her lower her lips next to my ear, her breath hitting my skin. “How are you so attractive, Autumn Blake?”

Then, in the blink of an eye, she was gone. I stood paralyzed, too stunned to move. While still trying to recover from what just happened, I felt a piece of clothing strike me on the shoulder, causing me to turn around. I saw a glimpse of Lexi’s blurry figure rush inside the bathroom and close the door. What the hell did she throw at me? I grabbed the fabric from my shoulder, and almost fainted when I realized what it was.

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