With that, I head home. Back in my room, I close my eyes and take a few calming breaths before diving into my comfort world. Fashion.
Days blur together with me eating, sleeping, and sketching. My phone buzzes with ‘Mr. Answer Me’ lighting up the screen more times than I can count. And with each ring, I hate him more. Sketch more.
Elijah even came by the apartment, but I told Mary and Lil I didn’t want to see him. The only contact I have is with the fashion department.
Fabric swatches, crumpled papers, and sketches are scattered across my floor, desk, and bed. My head is propped on my pillow while I swish through the sketches on my tablet, and my eyes dart from one design to the next.
They’re blunt. What if they’re not good enough? What if I’m not cut out for this? What if it’s a stupid dream to have?
I release an anguished groan. Seconds later, Mary and Lil are standing at the door of my room. Their eyes widen at the mess surrounding me, and they wrap me in their arms without a word.
“It’s going to be okay.” Lil rubs my back in slow circles.
“Gem? What’s going on? We let you have your space. But we can’t stand by anymore,” Mary says.
I hide my face in the nook of Lil’s neck. “I hate… I hate it all.”
“Don’t.” Mary takes the tablet from my shaky hands. “Why don’t we go through each design one by one, focusing on the positives rather than the negatives?”
I nod. Deep breath.
“Alright.” I grab the tablet from Mary and scroll through my sketches, pouring every ounce of self-loathing into my voice. “This one’s shit. This one is a grandma’s nightgown. Oh, and this one? Fucking tragic.”
Lil shoots me a disapproving look. “That’s enough with the negativity.”
“Why? You think I’m wrong?” I ask. “These designs are garbage.”
Mary snatches the tablet away. “We’re not doing this the easy way, are we? What’s really eating at you?”
The words come tumbling out in a heated rush. “I can’t stop thinking about him, okay? He played me like a fucking fiddle.” I rake my hands through my hair in frustration. “I actually thought he gave a shit about me and my dreams. But I’m a game to him, another notch on his bedpost.”
Lil places a steadying hand on my knee. “Elijah’s an asshole, but that doesn’t negate your talent.”
“She’s right,” Mary says. “Don’t let that dickhead steal that from you. You’re born to design. It’s your passion, your calling.”
A reluctant smile tugs at the corners of my mouth.
“Now, are you ready to look at these sketches with fresh eyes?” Lil winks.
I nod. “Let’s do it.”
“Okay, let’s start with this one.” Mary points at the navy blue lace bralette with cute bow details.
“That one’s not bad, I guess.”
“Not bad?” Mary scoffs. “Are you kidding me? It’s gorgeous! I would want that.”
“I can make it for you.”
“And this one.” She opens the sketch of a rose bralette and high waist panty with a Brazilian cut. “This is so hot. Cute and sexy at the same time. Don’t sell yourself short.”
Lil settles on my other side, peering over at the sketch. “She’s right. I call dips on that one.”
A tiny giggle escapes my lips. “Well, when you put it like that...”
“We’re your biggest fans.” Mary throws an arm around my shoulders. “But we’re also brutally honest. If your work sucked, we’d tell you.”
“Gee, thanks.”