"For what?" I asked. My heart was screaming in my chest, hoping that he'd say what I so desperately wanted to hear.
A smile spread over his face. "For anything you want."
Ugh. He was doing everything right. But it was frustrating because deep-down, I wanted him to take any and all decisions out of my hands. Only, we both knew what would happen if he did that. I'd lose it. It was sure to give me a panic attack. So instead of being able to sit back while he just took control of the situation, I had to pull on my big girl panties and communicate with him. Damn.
"Thank you," I told him. The injured piece of me really meant it. "This hasn't been easy for me." This time, when I took a step back, his hands fell away from me and he let me put space between us. "I don't know what you want, Static." I said, walking past him and then sitting on his bed. I stared down at the floor. "I'm not...the same anymore."
"I never knew you before," he countered.
My eyes shot up to his. He was right. We'd really only met after that night.
"This woman," he said, holding a hand out to indicate me, "is the only Gwen I know. And I don't see a damn thing wrong with her."
I swallowed back tears. "Thank you."
"Stop thanking me," he growled. "No one here, except maybe yourself, thinks any less of you because of what happened. We all want to murder Trent, revive him, only to murder him again," he said.
A wicked smile tugged at my lips. "I think I'd like that, too."
He chuckled. "What do you want to talk about, Baby Girl?"
I groaned and huffed out a breath. "It kills me when you call me that."
His brow arched. "You don't like it?"
"Oh, no," I said, a little too quickly. My face was burning with embarrassment, but I forced myself to say the next words. "I like it too much."
A muscle in his jaw flexed. His arms and chest tensed, as though he was physically stopping himself from grabbing me. The thought made my breath catch in my throat, but not in a bad way.
"Telling me that isn't a way to get me to stop saying it, Sugar."
"I like that nickname, too," I whispered, staring up at him. Fisting my hands, I let my nails dig into my palms. The pain settled me so that I could take the next step. "I like you, Static."
He blew out a breath and raked a hand through his hair. "As much as I'm glad to hear that, Gwen, maybe this isn't a great idea."
Embarrassment flooded me when I realized what he was saying. He must have seen the crestfallen look on my face. I tried to hide it, but concealing my emotions wasn't something I was very good at.
"Shit. It's not like that, Baby Girl. I like you, too. Fuck. I'm messing this up," he muttered. "I don't just like you. I'm trying to take this slowly and not scare the hell out of you, but all I want to do is shove you down onto that bed and fuck you senseless."
My eyes widened. The shock was only there because the girls had actually been right. The rest was because his words triggered a need inside me that ached so badly I had to clench my thighs together to ease it.
He didn't miss the movement and a tortured groan rumbled from deep inside his chest. It was an incredibly sexy sound.
"But I know you're scared," he continued after a few seconds of silence while he pulled himself together. "And I want you to be comfortable and to actually want this."
I really did. But there was just one thing holding me back. Well, probably more than one, but one thing that was front and center in my mind right now. "I don't sleep around, Static."
He looked over at me with shock written all over his face. "What?"
I shook my head. "As much as I want you, I don't sleep around. I'm not going to...have sex...with you, and sit by and watch as you sleep with other women. I may have some...issues that I need to work through, but I still have my pride. And I won't share," I told him. "So if you're desperate for a quick lay, then that's fine, but it won't be me." I didn't want to accuse him of anything, but I also needed to set my boundaries. I had children I needed to look out for and I refused to bring men around them if it wasn't going to be a long-term relationship. Granted, Static already had a relationship with my kids. But that was even more reason I had to make sure he knew where I stood. I wouldn't break my babies' hearts like that.
It was amusing to see him at a loss for words for the second time that night. He always seemed to know exactly what to say. He shook his head and gave a wry laugh. "You think that's all I want?" he asked.
"I don't know," I told him. "We haven't spoken about it. So, I thought we should."
"You're right," he said. "We should. Let's talk about the fact that I haven't slept with anyone in a year and a half."
My mouth dropped open. For the first few months after the attack, I'd been in my own little world. Once I'd slowly started catching on to the fact that I was beginning to have feelings for Static, I forced myself not to pay attention to what he was doing. I was trying to convince myself that I didn't care. That I didn't want him. And refused to moon over him, seeing who he was chasing after.