Ever since, Gwen had been keeping her distance. I sighed as I watched her hurry toward the clubhouse, her kids in tow. Sean was asking, loudly, if he could come talk to me, but Gwen wasn't having any of it. Ricochet met her at the door, confusion written all over his face. He was just as worried about his sister as I was. He shot me an indiscernible look before he followed them through the door.
"Fuck." It wasn't like I went looking for trouble. I was just trying to take some fucking time off work since Fremont told us outright at that party a week ago that shit was going to hit the fan. I needed to be available for the club right now. I raked a hand through my hair, trying to figure out what I was supposed to do.
I was so torn up about Gwen I didn't know which way was right side up. I couldn't get her out of my mind. She invaded my thoughts all day long. And seeing that horror and fear on her face a few minutes ago was a punch to the damn balls. I wanted her to feel safe. To know that nothing would ever happen to her here with us. With me.
"You could go talk to her."
Turning, I found Priest standing there, arms crossed over his chest, studying me. He'd wandered off with the rest to check the perimeter fence. Made me wonder how long I'd been standing there staring at the fucking clubhouse, thinking. I hadn't admitted to any of my brothers my feelings for Gwen. Somehow it was common knowledge. Not that I confirmed it whenever they started harassing me. Ricochet and I had yet to talk about it either. It was like the fucking elephant in the room we were both trying to ignore. I didn't know how he'd feel about me being with his sister. And I wasn't ready to find out.
"Not sure what you're talking about," I muttered.
"Hmmm, fine. Keep lying to yourself."
"Fuck off," I sighed, suddenly too tired to deal with him. There was no heat behind my words. I wasn't lying to myself. Everyone else? Fuck yeah, I was lying to them. But not to myself. I just didn't know what the best move was. Or rather, I did, but wasn't willing to do it. I should leave Gwen alone. She had enough fucking trauma in her damn life thanks to Trent. The last thing she needed was me and the drama I'd bring. Every damn time I turned around lately I was getting a fist to the fucking face. She needed some nice, soft, squared away man who would treat her like a queen.
Just the thought of some asshole getting to live with her made me see red. He'd be the one to hold her. Love her. And be a father to those kids. Sucking in a breath to calm myself, I left Priest behind and made my way up to my room to clean out the cuts on my skin. I'd track Gwen down later, after she had time to decompress, and apologize. Wasn't sure what I was apologizing for, but it was usually the best way to get back onto a woman's good side. And though I wanted every side of Gwen, I liked it better when she smiled at me rather than stared at me with that haunted look. I'd fucking eradicate that look if I could.
I'd do anything to keep her and her kids safe. Those kids. Jesus. I think I fell in love with them even before I fell for Gwen. My boot tripped on the stair as I bounded up, nearly sending me sprawling. I caught myself just in time. I wasn't normally a clumsy man, but that's what Gwen did to me. She set me off kilter. Had me on edge. I just couldn't seem to do anything right around her. I fucking hated it. I was a successful, rich lawyer. Even before that, my time in the military had been a success. Not everyone could be Special Forces.
None of that mattered when she set those blue eyes on me. Everything disappeared. Every thought. Every action. Fuck, I was even losing the ability to stand upright. This woman was killing me.
"You okay?"
The deep, rough voice was unexpected. I hadn't heard the door open and close. I turned and found Idaho leaning against the wall with an amused smile on his face. He'd been my best friend since we were kids. And he was pretty new to the club. If I was going to confide in anyone, it was him. But I still wasn't ready.
"Fine."
"Glad to see you haven't lost your touch," he commented.
I narrowed my eyes as I straightened and walked past him. "What do you mean?"
"Those assholes who came after you."
"Oh." Them. "Right. Yeah. You fought them before. They weren't that impressive."
"What else would I be talking about?" he asked, fighting back a smirk. Asshole knew exactly what was on my mind. He'd always had an uncanny ability to figure me out.
"Nothing."
The grin slipped off his face. "You can talk to me, Static. You know that, right?"
"Of course I do." We knew everything about each other. When he and Lock had gotten in that explosive fight that pretty much had Lock kicking Idaho out of his life, he'd come to me. When my disaster of a previous marriage failed, I went to him. It was what we did. But only when we were ready. I needed to wrap my head around the thought of something serious with Gwen before I spoke about it to anyone. Mostly I'd been avoiding thinking about it. But shit was escalating. I couldn't walk around my own fucking motorcycle clubhouse without seeing the woman every day. And I couldn't see her without getting rock hard. "I'm going to go take a shower," I told him, opening the door to my room, then shutting it in his face.
His chuckle wasn't blocked by the wooden door and it made me shake my head. He was happy with Eva, and I was damn glad to see it, but that didn't mean I wanted him hounding me about settling down. I'd done that once. Never planned to get married again. And that was the kind of woman Gwen was. The marriage kind. The forever kind. But she had people other than herself to think about, those kids namely, and I needed to consider them too.
I loved them more than fucking anything, but I wasn't the best thing for them. If I was a good man, I'd help her find some schmuck who would wife her up, adopt her kids, and give her five more fat happy babies. Someone who had no choice but to be the safe option because his name was Dale and he worked in accounting. That was who she needed in her life.
The problem was I wasn't a good man. And I wasn't sure I could hand her over to a man like that.
CHAPTER 2
Gwen
I'd kick myself later. Once my heart wasn't in my throat. Once my blood wasn't ice in my veins. Sean talked the entire ride home about wanting to spend the rest of the day with Static. I promised him I would ask Static if he had time to hang out. Static always made time for both Sean and Grace. It was one of the reasons I was so relieved we were living here right now. Sean, especially, needed the male bonding.
Seeing all the guys standing in the parking lot had been fortuitous, but they'd looked busy, so I just waited until they were finished to speak with Static. Sean would get a guy's day, and I'd get a little flash of a devastating smile. That man was a golden god and he didn't even seem to realize it. I was waiting for the pace of my heart to reach flutter mode as he turned, but then I saw the signs I missed before.
There was blood on his face. Cuts. His suit was disheveled and dirty. I had no control over myself anymore. Suddenly, I was staring down at him, his face barely recognizable as I cradled his head in my arms. Shouting and the smell of smoke surrounded me. I was shoved right back into that event center when the mafia men were beating him.