Page 87 of A Cowboy in the Streets

“James,” he started. “I—”

“I love you,” I blurted. The words came out strangled and shaking. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I love you, Adam.” Better.

He said nothing, which, to be fair, I expected as much. Just stared at me blankly with those bright blue eyes of his while his brows slowly pushed together in a frown.

“Did you know the flight from Denver to Sacramento is under three hours?” he asked. “Cheap, too.”

Okay, that I wasn’t expecting.

Goddammit, he was still trying to make me leave.

“Stop,” I said. “Don’t—”

“James.” He reached for me, pulled me close, dropped his forehead to mine. “Hear me out. Please?”

I swallowed hard, then nodded. “Okay,” I whispered.

“The flight is less than three hours. It’s cheap. I could come visit you a couple of weekends a month. Maybe bring Ben sometimes, too, especially when he’s on break from school. You could come to Lodestar whenever you want, for as long as you want. We could make it work, James. I know we could.”

It took me a minute to puzzle through what he was suggesting. “You want to try long distance?”

“For now. I know it’s not a long-term solution, you in California and me in Colorado. But it could work for a few months. Maybe even a couple of years. It will give us time for me to get Lodestar running the way it needs to be so I can join you at Blue Skies. I’ll need to—”

I jerked back, stunned. “What?”

“I think it will take me about a year to get everything in order, so I’m not leaving Dad with more than he can handle. Eventually, Zack will step back from the rodeo. He’s getting older. And then—”

“Shut up.” I clapped my palm over his mouth, stemming whatever fool thing he had planned to say next. “Shut up and let me choose you. I’m not going to Blue Skies. I’m staying here at Lodestar. With you.”

He tried to speak, but it came out muffled against my hand. That was fine. Judging from the glower he was serving me, he planned to argue.

Also fine.

He could argue all he wanted. I planned to win.

Gently, he pried my fingers from his face. “James,” he said, clearly exasperated. “We talked about this. Blue Skies is your dream. I won’t stand in the way of you being happy.”

“You’re not in my way, dumbass,” I said, every bit as exasperated as he was. “You are what makes me happy. Lodestar and Belle make me happy. Ben makes me happy. I want all of it. Yes, Blue Skies was my dream. But working with my dad…the reality was never going to live up to that. I want to work with people who respect and love me, people I love and respect in turn. That’s my true dream. And I found that here at Lodestar. But Lodestar is just the very delicious icing on the cake. You, Adam Hale, are the cake.”

His throat worked as he swallowed hard. “I read Emily’s journals.”

Now, that I wasn’t expecting. “You did?”

“I needed to know.” He heaved an audible breath. “I needed to know how it all went wrong. It’s haunted me, not knowing.”

“It wasn’t all your fault.” Even though I hadn’t read a single word, I knew that. Because I knew him. “Whatever ended your marriage, it was on both of you.”

He smiled a little. “I know. Logically, maybe I always knew. But it never felt like anything less than one hundred percent my fault. I was so damn blindsided. And now I understand why.”

“Tell me.”

“I didn’t fight for Emily. When she told me she wanted out, I let her go. Hell, I literally drove her to her new man. But even before that, I didn’t put in the work for our marriage. I had this idea of what I wanted for my life. The ranch, a wife, some kids. I pushed her into that box and ignored all the signs that she didn’t really fit. That she didn’t want to fit. She didn’t want to be a rancher’s wife. She wanted to be an artist and live in town. She didn’t even like horses, but I thought it didn’t matter, because she loved me enough to be where I was. I look back, and I see it. But we never talked about it. We never really talked about anything.”

“You have to let go of that,” I said. “It was just as much her fault as yours. More, even, because she was in love with someone else and she didn’t talk about that, either.”

“I loved her, James. I really did. But I loved her like a boy because that’s what I was. That was all I had to give.” His fingertips traced my jaw before he tilted my chin, forcing my gaze to his. “But you were right. I’m not the same person I was then. I’m a man now and that’s how I love you. I’ll fight for you, for us, for as long as I’m on this earth breathing. You got that?”

“Got it,” I breathed.

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