Page 56 of A Cowboy in the Streets

There weren’t any mirrors for me to do that, thank heaven for small mercies or whatever, but I could feel the truth of it in the heat spreading from my cheeks down my throat.

“Ohhh.” Essie drew out the two-letter word to five syllables. “I bet I know who the cowboy is. Otherwise, that only-one-bed situation would have been pretty awkward. Unless he’s into that.”

Hannah looked up. “Only one bed? That’s something that actually happens outside a Tessa Dare novel?”

“I don’t know who Tessa Dare is, but it’s definitely something that happens when you make last-minute reservations at a hotel during a big rodeo weekend. You know who else saved a horse?” I added in a blatant bid to shift the focus from me and more than willing to take my new friend down with me. “Essie.”

“Nice try,” she said. “Unfortunately, it won’t work. I saved zero horses last weekend.”

“Really? What happened with Zack? I thought you were hitting it off.”

“I did, too.” Essie stabbed the needle through the fabric with a little more force than necessary. “But Zack thought Brax would have a problem with it. Now, in my mind, pissing off Brax would be a bonus, but Zack apparently disagreed. Something about a stupid brother code, blah, blah, blah.” She made an annoyed sound. “It’s so ridiculous. Brax doesn’t care what I do.”

“Then I say we move the conversation back to James,” Chloe said. “Exactly how many horses did you save? I’d like to know my ROI.”

“ROI?” I repeated. Stalling.

“Return on investment.” She looked up from her hoop to study me like I was a third-grade science experiment gone awry. “That’s the second time you dodged. What gives? Are you uncomfortable talking about sex? Or was it…bad?”

“Definitely not bad.” Best sex of my life, actually, though it was hard to say why. It was more than him knowing how to use his tongue and fingers. We had connected in a way that I hadn’t experienced before. “I don’t want everyone thinking I’m banging the boss.”

“But you are banging the boss.”

I cringed. “Ugh.”

“This seems to be a problem for you. Tell me more about that.”

Hannah looked up and I could see from the narrowing of her eyes that both of us remembered Chloe saying that exact phrase to her during the inaugural meeting of the sewing circle. “You sound like a therapist.”

“I’m working on my doctorate in psychology at the University of Colorado. It’s interesting figuring out why people are the way they are.” Chloe shrugged. “Especially when it comes to sex.”

Essie blew out an exasperated sigh. “It’s the patriarchy. That’s why we are how we are when it comes to sex. And to that I say, fuck it. Right, Hannah?”

Hannah laughed and held up her work. “I’m literally embroidering it on a pillow.”

“Exactly.” Essie turned to me. “Listen, babe. Don’t bang the boss is good advice if you work in corporate culture, or where there’s a power difference, or your boss is a billionaire. That sort of thing. But Aspen Springs is a small town. If people can’t bang their co-workers, who the hell can they bang? Anyway, I’ve known Adam forever. He’s a good guy. Grouchy, yes. But a fundamentally good, decent human being. And hot as sin. Bang away, James. That’s my advice.”

I was horny enough that her logic was compelling. But the problem wasn’t just public perception. He wasn’t ready for a relationship. He had told me so himself.

Adam Hale was an Emotionally Unavailable Man. And like any overachieving girl with well-honed daddy issues, that happened to be my special brand of catnip. I could already hear the hopeful voice inside my head. I can fix him. I can be what he needs.

No matter how much I wished it were otherwise, I knew better. I had chased my dad’s approval my whole life. Twisting myself like a pretzel to be the daughter he wanted me to be. It had never worked with my dad, and it wasn’t going to work with Adam. He was never going to love me the way I wanted to be loved. Wholly and completely, with no regrets.

Emily was the love of his life. I remembered what he had said about his dad’s theory. That it was a relief that a love like that only came around once in a lifetime. That once-in-a-lifetime love had broken his heart and his spirit. It wasn’t only that he didn’t believe he could have a great love twice. He didn’t even want to try. Honestly, I didn’t blame him.

And I sure as hell wasn’t arrogant enough to think I was the woman to change his mind.

Chapter 24

Adam

I found lots of reasons to disappear with James off Lodestar property. Coffee runs, feed store, groceries, fuel for the backup generator…chores I had put off for months were now deemed urgent. So long as it meant I could put my hands on her, I didn’t care what else I was doing. One day we took a couple of horses right up to the furthest property line from the stables…and then we went a foot past it so I could have the pleasure of eating her pussy.

But every time we left, we had to come back. My hand on her thigh, tracing the inseam of her jeans, until the moment we passed under the Lodestar Ranch sign, when she would gently, firmly push me away. And I let her. Because keeping work and us separate was what she needed. I wouldn’t stand in the way of her career.

But it felt like shit. And I had no clue what to do about it.

I felt like a horny teenager again. My thoughts were consumed with James and sex and sex with James. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep pretending she was nothing more than my employee.

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