Page 36 of A Cowboy in the Streets

“That lasted only a couple months before her body wore down to the point she couldn’t care for a baby. Ben came home with me, and I brought him to her every day for a visit. Sometimes only five minutes before she was in too much pain or fell asleep again.”

“Oh, Adam,” James said softly.

“A love like that only happens once in a lifetime. That’s what my dad says. It was true for him. I figure it’s true for me, too.” My god, I had loved Emily. Even at the end. “Kinda sucks that my once-in-a-lifetime love was nothing more than an obstacle in theirs.”

James pushed to her feet with so much force that the chair went rolling across the room behind her. “That’s bullshit, Adam. Bullshit. Humans have an infinite capacity for love. And we’re not static. We grow. We change. Love changes us. The person you were then? The person who loved Emily? He’s not here. Loving her changed you. How could it not? My god, Adam. You went through hell. The person you were then, he had his once-in-a-lifetime love, and you’re right. That sucked. But you’re not him anymore. The man you are now still gets a shot.”

She probably meant that to be encouraging. It wasn’t. It was terrifying. Holy shit, I had barely survived love once. No way in hell was I looking to try that again.

I had no interest in love.

But the woman standing in front of me, smelling like hay and vanilla, had my attention. Maybe it was the way she looked at me. Like I was something worth looking at.

Or maybe I was kidding myself. She’s had my attention since the moment I heard her laugh in the coffee shop. Warm and full. She was like the sun. The closer I got to her orbit, the warmer I felt. And I was so fucking cold. Cold and empty.

Which was why, with one quick motion, I captured her arm at the elbow and pulled her into my space. When I parted my thighs to bring her closer, she fell forward against my body, catching herself with a hand against my chest.

Our hips lined up together, my cock against her belly. Her fingers curled into my shirt as she arched her head back to look at me. Those doe eyes searched my face. Thinking. Assessing.

I didn’t want to think. I wanted to burn.

With one hand still holding her elbow, I slid my other hand behind her neck to cup the back of her head. Held her steady as I pressed my mouth to hers. Completely fell apart when she welcomed me in.

I slid my tongue against hers. She whimpered into my mouth, and I greedily swallowed the sweet little sounds, letting them heat me up inside. Felt myself slowly thaw like a winter garden inching toward spring.

Her hands slid up over my chest, leaving trails of fire on my neck, coming to rest on my cheeks, her fingertips digging into my skull. Now we were both holding on like we were afraid the other one might let go.

I had no intention of letting go first.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had kissed a woman like this. Felt a woman touch me like this. The intimacy of it jolted me awake, like I had been sleepwalking until she breathed her warmth into me. I soaked it up. Asked for more. Grabbed a handful of that sweet ass of hers and ground my hardening cock against her. She pushed back almost frantically.

And then I felt her smile against my mouth.

Like she was happy. Like she didn’t know I was too fucking wounded to make anyone happy.

Fucking hell, what was I doing?

I wrenched my mouth away. Grabbed her by the biceps and pushed her off me. She stared at me as I slid away from her body. Her hair was mussed from my hands, her lips all puffy and wet, her eyes dreamy. I almost reached for her again, but she deserved better than that, so I kept my hands to myself.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” I said, knowing it was the wrong thing to say even if it was true.

“I beg your pardon?”

“My mind was…in a bad place. The whiskey…” Like any of it excused my behavior.

“Oh.” She blinked away the glassiness in her eyes. “Right. No, I get it. You were caught up in your feelings about your ex-wife, and you kissed me. A surrogate for what you couldn’t have, I guess.”

There was a bite to her words. Hurt. My brow furrowed. I had lost my fucking mind, no doubt about that, but one thing I was certain of was that I had not been thinking about Emily when I put my mouth on James.

“James—”

“Don’t,” she said. “You were vulnerable and I…I should have known better. I don’t know what I was thinking. That wasn’t what you needed.”

I stared at her. What was James apologizing for? She hadn’t done anything wrong.

I tried to find the words to tell her that. I wasn’t fast enough. She slipped out the door, shutting it quietly behind her.

Leaving me cold again.

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