Page 51 of Love at a Funeral and Other Awkward Conversations

“Well,” she starts, dabbing at her eyes, “it’s nice all these people came here for Raymond. It’s so wonderful,” she says, breaking down into more tears.

I rub her back, pleased for once she’s acknowledging all of this—the fundraiser, the grief, the death of her son, accepting it, almost.

“For Christ’s sake, you can’t talk to people when you’re a blubbering mess.”

My father makes her cry even more, and I throw my arms out to the sides. “Really?”

He peers over my shoulder as if he’s making sure my outburst isn’t causing a scene. I don’t care if I am. “I thought when Ray died, you’d find it in your heart to be a little nicer to everyone, but you can’t even do that, can you? You’re such a…” I pause, various derogatory names flashing in my mind, not sure if I can or should use them to describe my dad. Then again, the truth has to come out some time. “You’re such a prick.”

“Cassandra,” my mom says through her tears. “Don’t talk like that.”

“What?” I tighten my hold on Gracie’s leash and ground my feet under me. Guess the pressure of the tournament has pushed me to the brink, and there’s no turning back now. “You might be okay with him treating you like this, but I’m not.”

My father’s face goes red. “First of all, lower your voice. Second?—”

“Second, nothing,” I say, pushing his finger out of my face. “I know I’ve never been your favorite. I wasn’t easy like Ray. I didn’t fit into your picture-perfect idea of a speak-when-spoken-to little girl. I get it. But ever since he died, you act like your only child died. Thing is, I’m still here. I’m trying to show you both that I’m here. I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried to keep this family together, and I’m exhausted from carrying the weight for you. I did all of this,” I say, motioning behind me. “And all you can do—” I point to my dad “—is be an asshole, and all you—” I point to my mom “—do is defend him. I’m done with it.”

I spin around, blinking back the tears rapidly forming behind my eyelids and jog off, wanting a moment of quiet away from the circus, but a familiar figure stops me.

“Cassandra.”

“Nell.” My brother’s girlfriend.

Zeus save me.

CHAPTER 20

Behind me, the first game has started, and somebody yells instructions about playing first base. In front of me, I wave uncomfortably. The last time I saw this woman was at Ray’s funeral, and the time before that, we met in passing after I was sworn to secrecy by my brother.

“I don’t know if you remember me,” she says sheepishly.

“I do.”

She shifts her weight, her hand restlessly combing through her shoulder-length hair. I can imagine why my brother liked her. She appears the opposite of Shayna, natural and shy. He probably basked in the spotlight she allowed him to have.

“I’m sorry we weren’t able to get to know each other better.”

I jerk my head back. “Why?”

“Well, I… RJ and I…”

“He was cheating on his wife with you,” I state, and she visibly shrinks. I huff. She seems like a nice person. We might have even been friends if we’d met under different circumstances. But she was the other woman. Even though Shayna’s not my favorite person, I can’t get down with that. I fix my voice into a gentler tone. “I’m sorry, that was harsh.”

But true.

We stare at each other for a few too-long seconds, and then she blurts, “I loved him. I loved him so much.”

Gracie tugs at her leash to go, but this girl’s sad eyes keep me in place.

“I miss him so much it hurts sometimes.”

“Yeah, I know,” I say, a familiar rock in my stomach forcing me to agree with her.

“I thought I would come today to be close with him somehow.” She chews on her lip for a moment before saying, “Maybe we could hang out and talk or something.”

“I’m really busy.”

“I can help,” she says a little too fast, with her hands reaching out to me. “I need to do something. I want to do something for him. For you.”

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