Page 2 of Love at a Funeral and Other Awkward Conversations

My vision blurs, and I stagger back. Officer Something-or-other holds on to my elbow, saying, “I’m sorry to inform you Raymond collapsed outside of the gym and?—”

An idea sparks in the back of my mind. The latest season of Married at First Sight is available to stream. I love it because I hate it.

“—tried the address listed on his license, but no one was home?—”

I need to stop at the store for tampons and set my alarm for tomorrow morning.

“—listed as his emergency contact?—”

I really want to paint my nails. This blue’s all chipped, and if I don’t paint them tonight, I won’t have time tomorrow with a double shift at work.

“—couldn’t revive him. Your brother died.”

Your. Brother. Died.

I pull those words apart in my mind, try to weave them back together in a way that makes sense. They don’t. I don’t comprehend the language. It’s foreign, and I frown in concentration.

“I’m sorry.” I finally look up at the police officer. “What’s your name again?”

“Officer Stone.”

I nod blandly. “Okay.”

Mom bawls beside me.

“I don’t—” I shake my hands out then wipe my still-clammy palms down my arms. “I don’t understand.”

“I know it’s a lot to accept.” Officer Kwon speaks up from her place at the door like she’s afraid to step farther into the house. “Is there someone you want us to contact?”

“Um…” I watch my mother grow more and more hysterical by the second.

Ray is dead.

My brother is dead.

Is there someone I want them to contact?

“I…I’m not sure.” I drop my gaze to the floor, kneading the thick threads of the carpet underneath my feet. If I look hard enough, I can find the faint stain of red from a bloody nose Ray gave me when I was nine. He’d been watching wrestling and said he wanted to try a move on me. It wouldn’t hurt, he’d said. It’s all pretend anyway.

Then he’d dropped me face first onto the floor.

“What happened? To him. To Raymond. What happened to him?”

“They aren’t sure yet,” Officer Stone says, running a hand over his shiny bald head. “Not until the autopsy.”

I focus my attention outside of the window. It’s dark already. The thing I hate the most about the winter is how dark it gets. When my brother and I were really little, we used to try to convince Mom it was still light out by piling up a bunch of lamps in his room, as if she’d believe it was daytime and let us stay up later.

“Where…” I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head, as if I can make any sense out of this. “Where is he now?”

Officer Stone clears his throat. “His body is being transported back to the county coroner’s office. That’s where they’ll do the autopsy.”

I imagine all the episodes of Law & Order I’ve watched. My brother’s going to be cut open like a frog and dissected like a science experiment. I push my fingers against my eyes as my mind swirls and stomach clenches. I don’t usually get carsick outside of a car, but there’s a first time for everything.

Like now.

“Cassandra.” Officer Stone touches my shoulder lightly. “Does anyone else live here with you both?”

I swallow. “My dad. He works in Manhattan, and sometimes he doesn’t get home until late.”

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