Page 77 of Love at a Funeral and Other Awkward Conversations

I inhale a ragged breath, feeling the walls closing in on me. I’m itchy and hot and need…

I don’t know what I need, but Vince has to stop looking at me like that. Like he can fix me.

He can’t.

“Don’t touch me,” I say, backing away when he tries. His mouth forms a straight line, and underneath my bitterness, I’m remorseful, but I can’t reach it, not with the fury growing like ivy through my body. It wraps around my heart, my throat, my hands, and it’s swift, cutting me off from anyone or anything else.

“I have no job, no family, nothing. I have nothing left.”

“You have me,” he offers, his voice quiet and even.

“Oh, please,” I snap, and the wrath that had been filling my lungs sours at his suddenly pale face. I know I’m hurting him, but I have no other choice.

I have to leave.

“You have me, Cass, right here. I’ll be here for you always. I love you.”

It’s an arrow to my heart.

He can’t love me. I am unlovable. Everything in my life breaks, and I refuse to bring him down with me.

He takes a cautious step toward me, a wry curl to his lips. “What do you think we’ve been doing all this time? Playing house?”

I hold up my hand to stop him, but he keeps coming toward me until my fingers press against his stomach, and I stare at the floor, willing the tears away.

When I finally have myself under control, I make sure to look him in the eye so he understands. “There is nothing left for me here. I have no job, no house, nothing. I’m moving away.”

He grips my hands, holding them against his heart. I feel its steady beat. I think it’s so loud, I can hear it.

I know it’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.

“You can’t move away.”

“Yes, I can.” I wrench away from him and rush out of the room.

“Don’t leave.”

I ignore him and almost fall in my hasty escape down the stairs. My shoes give me trouble when I try to put them on, allowing Vince time to catch up.

“If I’m nothing to you, then what have you been doing here with me?”

That’s the thing I’ve been trying to avoid facing.

I knew I couldn’t give him what he deserves, and yet I threw reason aside because Vince made me feel good. In return, I can only offer him heartbreak. That’s all I have. That’s all I am.

“I’ve been by your side through everything, and I didn’t mind. I wanted to do it. I wanted to help you, be with you, and—look at me.”

I don’t.

“Cass, look at me.”

After I sling my purse over my shoulder, I finally meet his gaze.

“You can’t tell me it meant nothing to you. This—” he waves between the two of us “—means nothing.”

When I don’t answer, his eyes go dark and angry. I jut my chin out, refusing to give in. “I’m leaving,” I say, opening the door. “I’m not staying in this godforsaken town. I’m not going to be some pathetic mascot to be propped up for my brother, and I’m not going to watch my parents drive themselves into the ground. If they don’t care, I don’t either.”

He follows me outside. “Yeah, you don’t care, huh? Guess it means you don’t care about me. You’ve been using me.”

---