Page 66 of Edge of Desire

“Fuck!” I yelled. “So now what? I want out of every undercover op. Cut me loose. I don’t want this life anymore.”

“Okay, I got that. We can make arrangements. But here’s the thing. They know who you are. Your name’s out there. It scares me to have you out on your own. You need to have protection, man. You know I’m right.”

“I need a leave of absence.” I stood up and walked over to the window. I was at EPIC, El Paso Intelligence Center, where the DEA intelligence activities took place. I’d flown in last night and requested a meeting with Pete and his superiors. Pete talked me out of it and suggested he and I have a chat first. That’s what we were doing right now.

“You gonna tell me what all this is about? I mean, you and I go way back, and I’ve never seen you like this.”

I spilled my guts. We were great friends and had been for almost the entire time I’d worked for the DEA. We met in training and kept getting assigned to the same teams. Then I went off the grid undercover and Pete led my team from the inside. He was A-number-one and I trusted him.

He squeezed my shoulder when I was done talking.

“You know that relationships and this kind of work don’t really go hand in hand, right?”

I gave him a withering look.

“Okay! Okay. Look, you’ve also said you’ve blown it with her, right?”

“Are you trying to piss me off or what?”

“I’m trying to make you see the error of what you’re attempting.”

“Pete, what I’m attempting is to live the next half of my life as normal as possible. For the last thirteen years, I’ve lived on the streets, dodged bullets, acted like I was a heroin addict, been to prison, been raped dozens of times ...” I stopped at the expression of shock on Pete’s face. I didn’t say anything for a few minutes and then I felt a rage exploding within me. “What? Did you think I was in fucking Maui having a jolly vacation or something? Let me show you a thing or two.”

I lifted my shirt so he could see all the tattoos. “See all these? You need to take a closer look. They cover up the scars of what was done to me in there. You guys have some misconception that I came out unscathed. Think again, man. Not only am I scarred on the outside, but you can’t imagine how fucked up I am in here.” I tapped my temple for emphasis.

He stared at me for a few moments, and when he tried to speak, his voice was raw with emotion. “I didn’t know.”

“Did you ever bother to ask?” My question was posed in a whisper. “I spent more time in the infirmary than I care to recollect. Thing about it is, I knew when I was in there, I’d have even more hell waiting for me when I was returned to my cell.”

“Fuck.”

“You got that part right. But not where you’d want it. Sorry I’m being crude, but it’s the damn truth. Now, what do you propose for me? I want out of this nightmare of a circus I’m in.”

“Let’s work on that leave of absence. How long and you’ll need to have protection around you, or nearby anyway.”

“A year. I need to find Avery and then win her back. After that, I’m out. I’m serious, Pete. Unless you guys can promise me a nine-to-five, I’m out.”

“Who are you trying to fool? You? Behind a desk? Nine to five? As if.”

“I’ll do anything if I get her back, but I won’t be undercover anymore, risking her life or mine. You got that? And if something can’t be worked out to please her, I’ll fucking quit. I don’t need the money. You ought to know that.”

“I’ll do what I can.”

“No, Pete. It’s this or I walk today. I’ll be in the wind, and you’ll never find me.”

“But they will, and your body will turn up one day.”

“You think I care about that? If I don’t have Avery, that means shit to me.”

“But what if you do have Avery and hers turns up right along with yours?”

That caught my attention like nothing else. “Okay, you got me there. Do what you can, but I want at least one year and no assignments. I’ll decide where and what I’m gonna do after that.”

Before I left EPIC, I went to the intel center to log in to their computer system. I had top-level clearance, giving me access to all airline manifests. It didn’t take long to track where Avery landed. Following her credit card trail was easy. Every charge she made popped up on the screen, so I was able to see her movements. Her final destination had been Vail. That’s what Justin had predicted. It’s where her love for the mountains began as a four-year-old, so he figured she’d go there to soothe her soul.

She must’ve been planning to stay there awhile because she’d gotten a job and rented an apartment. That eased my mind because now I didn’t have to worry about her wandering around aimlessly without anyone to keep her company.

That night after checking into my hotel, I went for a long run to clear my head. I now had Avery’s cell phone number. It would be easy for me to track her by GPS. Knowing that was the last thing she wanted, I wouldn’t do that unless I became worried about her. With all the information I had, it would be exceedingly difficult to stay away, but I knew I had no other choice.

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