Page 77 of Edge of Desire

“Yeah, don’t take this the wrong way, but I didn’t think so.”

She knew how to make a girl feel good. “I’ve never been one to attract a lot of attention like that.”

“You just need to put on a few extra pounds and that would do it,” she suggested.

“Oh, I don’t know. I’ve grown out of everything now, several times. I can’t continue this because it costs a fortune to keep buying clothes.”

“Why don’t you find a good consignment shop?”

“I guess I haven’t been anywhere long enough to think about that.”

“So, Ava, what are you going to do now?”

I stopped walking and grabbed her arm. “I’ve decided to stay here. Permanently. I’ve always loved it, ever since I was a kid. I love to ski. I don’t want to leave. This feels like home and I haven’t felt this way in a long time. Well, ever since the cabin.”

She eyed me for the briefest minute and then said, “I can see you here. You fit right in. But, Ava, you need to put on some weight and change your hair.”

“My hair? What’s wrong with my hair?”

“You could do with some curls. You saw how those guys went after me. It was the hair, Ava. They couldn’t get enough of it. They rubbed themselves all over it.”

I held out my hand, palm out. “Please stop. Melissa, I don’t want to hear any more. That’s just too much information.” And it would be something I’d never unhear.

“Well, okay, but I’m telling you the hair is a man grabber. You could go red and curly too. Just think of the possibilities.”

There wasn’t anything in this world that would make me do that.

And she didn’t stop there. “I think you need to dress a little flashier too. You know, grab some attention. When you walk into a room, you want people to notice you. You need to make an Ava statement. Right now, you just sort of blend into the wall.”

My face must’ve looked odd, because she threw her arm around me and said, “I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, Ava. I want to help you out of this depression you’re in. I want you happy!”

“Melissa, I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again. Preston destroyed all my happies. I thought he was it. You know, the one. I figured we’d always be together, and I’d never have to look again. I don’t even want to look because there is no one else for me. No matter how many years pass, I’ll always feel this way. So truthfully, I don’t want to be noticed when I walk into a room. I don’t want to make an Ava statement. I want to slink right on into the background and just blend in like I’m not there.”

“Ava, you can’t mean that. At least not forever anyway. Come on, let’s go home,” she said as we walked with her arm around me. I felt like a dwarf next to her, but it was okay because for once in a long time, I was comforted.

The last day of Melissa’s visit flew by. We skied, then we finished early because I had booked a massage for us at a spa in the village. We were pampered and drank some wine and then ended up at Wildflower’s for an excellent dinner. But the feeling of being watched persisted. Melissa asked me about it several times and kept an eye out for anything that looked out of order, but we both came up with nothing.

We strolled into my apartment after ten and sat around for a couple more hours chatting. Melissa thought I needed to open a business in Vail where women sumo wrestlers could come and ski during the winter months and mountain bike in the summer. I didn’t want to burst her bubble, but I doubted there was a huge market for that. Instead, I told her I’d do a bit of research on it. She insisted it would be a big seller. She said we could even sponsor a sumo ski event, where they would ski in their sumo outfits. She did add they would wear helmets for safety. I couldn’t seem to get that visual out of my head.

We both fell asleep shortly after that, but something awakened me a few hours later. I wasn’t sure what it was, so I got out of bed and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. As I stood over the sink, I looked down at the street and noticed a man standing directly across from my building. He was dressed in solid black, but I couldn’t discern any of his features. I could’ve sworn we made eye contact, and he didn’t look away. He was too far from me to recognize anything familiar about him, and he wore a hat that was pulled down close to his eyes. Of course, the first person I thought of was Preston, and immediately felt a surge of heat crawl across my skin.

But why would he be here? The answer was obvious, but too much so. If he’d come here, why hadn’t he called? I’d decided it wasn’t him after all. My heart fell as I realized how badly I’d wanted it to be him. But what if it had been? Was I really prepared to see him? Was I ready to talk? I clasped my hands together and moaned. I didn’t know. I just didn’t know. Yes, I wanted him, or at least my body did. But I’d been so hurt by that stupid lie. Was Justin right? Would I hurt like this forever, because I was more than willing to move past this? I was as miserable today as I was months ago when I left in a puddle of tears. No, I didn’t cry nearly as often, but only because I’d trained my body not to do so. Mere thoughts of him could still bring me to my knees, exactly like I was feeling now.

Finishing up the water, I went back to bed, knowing thoughts of Preston would prevent me from getting any more sleep. My body burned with the thought of him standing outside my apartment. If I had any kind of courage whatsoever, I’d throw on a jacket and run out there right now. But courage had never been my forte, so I lay in bed and tossed and turned the remainder of the night.

In the morning, we loaded Melissa and her belongings in the car, and I drove her to Eagle County Regional Airport. We hugged and hugged when I left, but I didn’t expect the surge of sadness that invaded me as I drove away.

Christmas morning, I woke up and was downhearted by having to spend it alone. I’d signed up to work the whole day, but we weren’t expected to be very busy that night.

My phone stared me straight in the eyes and I had to do it, but my stomach turned at the thought of placing that call home. I wanted to wish my family a merry Christmas, but it would kill me to do so. Mustering up the courage, I tapped in the number, praying the whole time my mom wouldn’t answer the phone.

“Merry Christmas!” a deep voice said on the other end of the line.

“Merry Christmas, Dad.”

“Ava! What a great surprise! It’s so wonderful to hear your voice. How are you, honey?”

“Dad, I’m great!” I said, trying to force myself to sound that way. “I’m living in Vail now.”

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