Page 65 of Edge of Desire

“No. I can’t do that to her. She knows how to find me if she wants. Through you. I won’t intrude where I’m not wanted.”

She narrowed her eyes and said, “Then you’re the biggest dumbass I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

I stared back at her, not having an adequate response. I already knew that, but not for the reason she was telling me.

“Well?” she asked.

“I can’t disagree.”

“Idiot. You’re missing the point.”

She got up and poured herself another cup of coffee. “You want another one?”

I shook my head. The last thing I needed was more caffeine. I was so damn jacked up as it was, adding to it wouldn’t help a bit.

Caroline sat back down and looked at me. “You remember when I thought I’d lost Justin forever?”

“Yeah.”

“I fell in that black hole and let it consume me for months. When I finally resurfaced and things began to brighten again, I realized there weren’t many things in my life that were important when compared to loving someone. When I went into witness protection, I knew it was all for the right reasons. You did it because you had no other choice. But there were times when I thought if Justin’s life hadn’t been in danger, I would gladly have died than go through life without him. Keeping him safe though, was number one. That’s how I made it through. I never thought I’d end up with him. You know that. When I left to go and say my final goodbye to him, I figured I would eventually end up somewhere on the West Coast, living day to day and growing old alone. What I’m telling you is that you are the biggest fool ever if you think you can just walk away and let her go. If you love her like I think you do, you better get off your ass and find her. Do whatever it takes to win her back. Even if it takes years. Wouldn’t it be worth it? Prove to her that you’re really not a shit? No, it won’t be easy. You’ll have to do some serious groveling, I’m sure. But damn, Preston, isn’t she worth it?”

“I would give everything I have to be able to look into her eyes once again, and not see that god-awful pain radiating from them. Of course, she’s worth it. I’m calling Pete and quitting my job. This DEA shit has ruined my life. Literally. And not only mine but yours, Justin’s, Mom’s and ...” I put my head in my hands and groaned.

Caroline put her hand on my back, and I flinched.

“I’m sorry. I forgot,” she said as she quickly withdrew her hand.

“You know something? She could touch me, Caroline. Everywhere. And I told her everything. All the nasty, despicable details. Things you can’t possibly imagine. And she still accepted me even with all my tragically fucked-up flaws.”

“We all have flaws, Preston.”

“Not the kind I have.” I rose to my feet.

“So, what are your plans?”

“I need to get this hand taken care of and then I have a girl I am going to do my best to win back.”

Pete Kowalski gawked at me like there was another head sitting on my shoulders.

“It doesn’t work that way and you know it.”

“I don’t care how it works, Pete. I’m out.”

“You can’t just quit.”

“Watch me. This whole job has been an abomination from the start. It’s ruined everything in my life and most of what I’ve touched. It’s like a fucking cancer that’s spread and now it’s gotten to the point where I can’t even carry on a normal relationship. I’ve fucked everything up to the point of no return and I’ve had it. I’m out.”

Pete expelled a long breath. “Look, man, you know how it works. You were warned from the beginning.”

“Yeah, and I’ve finally reached my limit. I’m done.” I made a slicing motion across my neck.

“You’re never done,” he said, his voice laced with exasperation. “The baddies will always find you, and then what will you do? You’ll be out on your own with no one to protect you.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“Preston, listen to me, man. It. Doesn’t. Work. That. Way.”

He was right. I knew it but didn’t want to accept it. I wanted normal. Now. I wanted Avery. Now. I wanted everything that was impossibly out of reach. Now.

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