Page 3 of Colby's Lost Binky

“Want to step back in full-time?”

He shuddered. “I don’t miss it that much. But I do enjoy filling in. Maybe you should plan a vacation soon.”

“I have reserves weeks coming up in a couple of months, so you can count on getting in there then, but otherwise, I’m glad to be in there every day. And if you really do get bored, maybe we should set you up for a day a week? Like Mondays?” When we were inevitably slammed by everyone who waited all weekend to flow in with their illnesses and aches and pains.

“Let’s not get hasty.” He sipped from his glass and looked past me. His eyes lit up, and I knew without checking who approached. “I have things to do as well.”

Rand, Stanley’s little, was nearly his age, somewhere close to seventy, and the two were like peas in a pod, together nearly all the time whether in daddy/little mode or just as two happy older gentlemen. I was happy for them and tried not to feel any envy. Stanley had not found his happiness until a few years before, and the kindly doctor deserved all the joy. Rand plopped down in between us on the sofa and leaned on his daddy.

Stanley put his arm around him and stroked his shoulder. “Did you want to go to the little room?”

Rand was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, usually an indication they were here just for a relaxing evening with friends, so I wasn’t surprised when he shook his head. “No. Can I sit here with you and Daddy Barrister?”

“Of course.” His daddy winked at me over his head. “I don’t suppose you’d like some snacks?”

Kali came by just then, and we ordered a big/little selection. Stan expected a few of our other friends shortly, and I eased back into the soft leather cushions, enjoyed a place where I could be myself without being judged. I considered a visit to the little room too, where there would be singles looking for a daddy for the night, but in comparison to the easy companionship and affection of my friends, the idea paled.

Would I have to wait until I was seventy before my own little came into my life? Maybe it would take a little effort to make sure that happened sooner? I was tired after work, certainly, but I could stop by more often. What if the right little for me was there on a regular basis, but I was just never in the place to meet them?

“You need some balance in your life, Barrister,” my mentor said, as if reading my mind. As if he’d ever had any before now.

“You’re right.”

Chapter Three

Colby

I’ve been working at the coffeehouse for almost a month. It was far longer than I wanted to be there careerwise, but if I was honest with myself, I quite enjoyed it. Both my coworkers and the customers were nice with the exception of a few ornery folks whose days I worked hard to turn around. If they left with a smile, it wouldn’t make their problems go away, but I’d made a difference, and that was enough to make me smile as well.

I’d come into the job not fully understanding the science behind coffee making. Once I figured out temperatures, times, and processes, I became pretty good at it. It still wasn’t my drink of choice, but it didn’t need to be. And due to my situation, I was able to work whatever shifts needed covering. That had the other employees not caring that I was the boss’s brother. They were overall nice people, and I wasn’t a dick about being her brother. I just did my work, was kind to customers, collected my tips, and went home.

In a lot of ways, it was one of the best jobs I’d ever had. If it weren’t for the lack of money, I might even consider staying there. But I couldn’t live on my sister’s couch forever. I needed my own place, and that required a living wage.

And I really did need to get my own apartment. Getting a decent night’s sleep was a struggle on the best of days. I was in a place where I felt like I was always in the way. As soon as my sister got up, I did too, no matter what time I’d gone to bed. She insisted I wasn’t in the way, but I was, and we both knew it. And with shifts starting at 4 a.m. some days, in the middle of the day on others, and evenings yet others, the times I was able to sleep were all a mishmash. But being tired was a price worth paying for all that was starting to look up in my life.

Most days were good. Not once had I not wanted to go to work. A couple of days, I wished I could teleport there so I didn’t need to drive in the rain, but being there was never something I dreaded. Today, however, was a first of the opposite kind. Today, I was excited to get there. So excited, it was all I could do not to be there a shift early.

Sarah had told me about the munch that happened there monthly, as if it was some weird thing I needed to learn about so I didn’t stick my foot in my mouth. When I first arrived at her front door, she had no clue that I was little, and it wasn’t really something I felt comfortable discussing with my sister. Strangers? Sure. But, for some reason, Sarah felt off-limits with that aspect of my life. She wasn’t as clueless now, but neither of us acknowledged it. It was better that way.

Looking back, it was adorable how adamant she’d been that I needed to have anything to do with the munch other than serving as normal. Apparently, she’d always been like that with her staff, especially before Hudson met his man there. It amused me to imagine her face the first time she realized Hudson staying away failed so epically. The two of them were so adorably in love that just looking at them made you long for what they had.

She personally had no problem with kink or munches. The rules were more her trying to keep their business than it was Sarah trying to micromanage the staff. She cared about the coffeehouse and didn’t want it to develop a reputation for being snobby or rude. I got it. People tended to be less than kind to those they didn’t understand, and the kink community was thought of as other and weird, and even sick by many. This was her way of making sure we didn’t get included with the judgmental ones who were often vocal.

People tended to like working munch now that it was firmly established. It might be at night, but it always meant great tips, nice people, and not too much actual work. It was the trifecta of great shifts.

As a rule, Sarah gave me the shifts nobody wanted, and it worked out beautifully all around. But, this time, I had a feeling she worked her magic for me. The ship had sailed for Sarah when it came to her not having a hint about my kinky likes. It was my fault and, honestly, in a lot of ways, it was a relief. Trying to hide any hints of who I was sucked. That didn’t mean we talked about it. No thank you. Neither of us wanted that.

I’d spent the first two weeks at her place trying to sleep without my paci and failing miserably. I hated that I wasn’t able to deal without it. I was a grown-up, after all. But it was my security item, and I couldn’t just shut my need for it off. I was discreet. Or at least as discreet as I could be. And if my nephew was a middle-of-the-night wanderer, I’d never have risked it. He probably wouldn’t think anything of it. He had one of his own and was only three.

But still. It was better not to open those doors. She’d likely noticed me sleeping with my binky. She hadn’t said anything about it, but she knew that I knew that she knew. I tried to be discreet, keeping the blankie that was attached to it in front, facing the back of the couch…little things like that. But when you’re sleeping, you’re sleeping, so the odds were great that if she was looking, she’d see it eventually.

My binky was one of the few little things I had with me. My biggest regret was that I didn’t have all of my adorable little clothes. I only took what I could carry when I left. At the time, I wasn’t too worried about the clothes. I had my binky, and that was the important thing. But now? Now I was missing them. Not that I had a place to wear them.

I held the fabric joined to my binky in my hand, rubbing it between my fingers, liking the way it felt against my skin. I only bought it after losing my binky under the bed more than once. I thought it would be too big, too cumbersome. How wrong I’d been.

Normally before I went to work, I’d tuck it in my backpack and leave that at home for safekeeping. But today, I was bringing it with me. I wasn’t going to attend the munch as a guest, obviously. I was going to be on the clock and wouldn’t go against my sister like that. She’d assigned me what had become the best shift of the month, and I refused to take advantage of her. But I still wanted my binky with me. I tried not to think too hard on all the reasons why that might be, instead focusing on getting to work.

Days like these I wished I was still content with a plain old binky, the kind that could fit in my pocket and go unnoticed. I could take my binky off. It had a snap and everything, but then it wouldn’t be mine. So instead, I left it in the car as I ran into work. It was not that same as having it with me, but it was better than not having it nearby.

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