Page 81 of Knot Forgotten

None of them said those forbidden words, but I know it all the same. And I will never let any of them go. Because if I am theirs, then they are mine.

CHAPTER 43

Cameron

Blake, Erin, and Riley are asleep on the cushion. There is enough room for Matt and me if we wanted. But Matt took the opportunity to order food since she is bound to be hungry when she wakes up. The water and snacks provided in the cabin are a nice touch, but we want something warm.

He went outside a few minutes ago to wait. A protective instinct he is obviously following.

I watch Erin as she snores softly in the dim light. Since we entered the nest, an internal war has been waging. The years of denying myself in the presence of others clings to me.

The one blissful moment in that supply closet with this perfect omega didn’t fix me. If I’m even broken. Only this need to break out of the cycle tells me that even if I like the edging and denying myself pleasure, I might want to have the closeness of knotting someone. That is the one thing that hasn’t faded from the supply closet.

I snort softly. I’m lying to myself now. Not someone. Erin. Because Erin is the only one I will ever want to give my knot to.

She shifts in their arms, nuzzling into Riley’s chest in her sleep out of instinct. Blake’s arm tightens around her from behind as he follows her the small distance. They look right together. Rin is surrounded by the yin and yang of our group. One dark, the other light. The contrast with her in the middle is perfect, and if I painted, I would paint them. Riley’s platinum hair and pale appearance, paired with Blake’s black hair and tanned olive complexion, with her in the middle, connecting them, is physical art.

Pushing off the floor, I quietly walk over to the door. I need some air to clear my head. Need still rides me hard, the rut demanding things from me I don’t know how to give it. How do I go from not coming in front of anyone to doing it in front of my whole pack?

I don’t know.

“Hey,” Matt says as I slip out the front door to wait with him. “Is she still sleeping?”

I nod. Even out here, her perfume clings to me, embedded in my clothing. Hell, she has probably branded my soul with it.

“I added on some medical supplies, so we should get you and Riley cleaned up.”

“How are you thinking clearly?”

He grins over at me. “I think it is the bond. It is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I can feel Riley and Blake through it. And every single ounce of pleasure anyone gives Erin, I can feel. It is surreal. I can’t imagine what it will be like with her mark on us.”

I swallow and look away. Pain spreads in my chest. What if I never have that? For a brief moment back at the school, I let myself believe it was possible, but right now, it feels different.

“I know you have your preferences, Cam, and that is okay. But you should still claim her; make it complete while we are here.”

“I can’t do that to her, Matt,” I say, unable to bring my eyes back to my friend. Because every single part of me wants to, and I know my eyes would reveal that truth.

He sighs, sensing my lie even without seeing my face. “You want to.”

“Wanting something is not the same thing as giving in.”

“True,” he says, pausing, making the air feel heavy with his silence before he adds, “But she uses blockers; she might not have another heat for years if she decides to keep using them. I’m sure she wants to finish school without thinking about possible babies. There is time for that later, but this connection has a limited window right now. Do you want to go years without this connection?”

My stomach tumbles. I don’t. “Is it a real connection if–if I don’t…we don’t–” The words won’t come out. I can’t force them. The image of thrusting into her fills my vision, and my balls tighten. I can see it, but I don’t think I can do it.

“It is. Rinny understands how you work. She accepts it, Cam. You know she does.”

“We never had a chance to talk about what happened. I thought–” I break off. Again. Unwilling to share the idea that I thought it would change everything because less than a week later, I’m right back where I was before the incident.

The incident. Like it is some crime or something. I shake my head at my own thoughts and straighten as a car approaches.

A young beta hops out of the car, opening the back seat for the food and other stuff Matt added from the drug store. I help Matt take the bags from the guy, and he quickly retreats to his vehicle. Then we go back inside. He spreads the food out on the small table and lines up the medical supplies on the counter.

“Let’s get you cleaned up first,” he says, pulling out a chair.

I sink into the seat, and he wets down a washcloth before wiping the dried blood from my side off. The wound is sensitive to touch, and I hiss, arching away from him and the rough material when he gets too close.

“You fucking baby, stay still,” he orders.

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