Page 17 of Knot Forgotten

"Why didn't you tell me who you really were?" His words hang in the air, heavy with accusation.

"I..." I stutter, searching for an explanation, but the truth eludes me.

"We were childhood best friends! Fuck, Erin, you've been hiding this from us all along?" The hurt in his eyes cuts through me.

I pull my arm away, feeling the weight of his disappointment. "I didn't mean to, Cam. I just didn't know how to bring it up."

“That is rich. Real fucking rich. Maybe you should have started with your real fucking name. I bet you would have kept on hiding in plain sight. Watching us. Did you get some sort of sick satisfaction out of it, Rin?”

The nickname makes my heart try to jump out of my chest and make a break for it. His accusation hangs heavy in the air, and I find myself at a loss for words. The truth is, I never meant to hurt him. The years of friendship, the shared secrets, the love that grew between us, now reduced to fragments in the wake of my omission.

"I didn't watch to hurt you," I finally manage to choke out, desperation evident in my voice. “I didn’t plan on watching you and Blake…”

"Save it, Erin." His tone is cold, and the use of my full name instead of the childhood nickname stings. The reality of my deception sinks in, and the storm I've been trying to avoid now rages in the eyes of the person I least wanted to hurt—my childhood best friend and first love, betrayed by the one he thought he knew.

Amid the turmoil of my past catching up with the present, secret moments unfold, both exciting and guilt-laden. The clandestine kisses with Cameron feel perfect and natural, yet the longer we hide it, the harder it becomes to confess the truth to the others. The realization hits me—I've fallen for Cameron.

The memory of Blake's intense kiss remains, haunting me even in the darkness and silence of my room. I try to push thoughts of him away, reminding myself it's wrong. The image of his longer kiss with Jill Cosmos, the pang in my chest—it all fades, but not without a trace.

Wednesday arrives, and I beat the guys to the lunch line and our table. Midway through my spicy chicken sandwich, Blake joins us. Tension grips me as he takes the seat to my right, and I can't help but tense up involuntarily.

“Rin…” Blake begins, shifting in his seat to face me. I feel his eyes lock on the side of my face, and I will myself not to blush.

“Blake…” I reply slowly, keeping my eyes pinned to his right hand curling around his tray. His restless fingers tap on the light blue surface.

“I'm sorry for the other day…I mean–” he rushes out, words tumbling over each other.

His apology for the kiss feels like a brutal extraction of my heart. I blink, sucking in a breath to maintain composure.

“Thanks for that…” I say cheerfully, my words turning into a terrible stream of meaningless babble. "Actually, Cam and I, we are a thing now, and I wasn't sure how to tell you guys. I didn't want it to be awkward, you know?"

I finally look directly at him, and regret floods me. He looks as though I slapped him, and I wish I could take back the careless words and bury them deep within. My lips part on a shallow breath before the clattering of a tray demands my attention.

“You're dating Cam?” Matt accuses.

I blink over to him, swallowing at the betrayal on his face. My carefree friend is gone. My gaze shifts to Riley, matching disbelief etched on his features. The blood rushes through me, ears roaring with each beat of my pounding heart.

“I–” I feel like Psyche when she betrayed Eros, swallowing hard as I place my forgotten sandwich back on my plate. Stupid female emotions.

Then I nod as my eyes dart between them. Why do they all react as if I’m moving to the moon? Is kissing Cam that bad? Will it change that much with our friendship?

“This is bullshit,” Blake says, pushing away from the table. “Does he know you kissed me?”

It feels like I’m going to hyperventilate as I pull in new air into my lungs. The ability to fill my airways is impossible with my gasping breaths.

“You kissed Blake?” Matt asks.

I grip the table, shaking my head. “It wasn't like that.”

Blake snorts, looking away from me as if he can't stand to look at me anymore.

“Whatever, Erin,” he says. “It wasn't like that for you, obviously.”

Tears cling to my eyelashes as his words sink in. I blink, attempting to erase the emotions.

“Blake–” I say, pleading with his profile as his eyes roam over the lunchroom.

He swipes his tongue over his teeth, pursing his lips. His eyes meet mine again, only now they're cruel.

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