Page 11 of Knot Forgotten

A soft gasp precedes the sound of kissing, and it breaks me in half. Pain slices through me, leaving me breathless. I know what his lips feel like, even if it was briefly. And I thought—I don’t know what I thought—that he was mine? I was his?

He’s not. I’m not.

Not even close.

Why is he kissing her? I want to storm into the aisle they are in and demand an answer. Instead, I sink into the furthest library table. The sound of them kissing much longer than we had seems to drift through the silent library directly to my ears. Trying to focus on the reason I came here in the first place, I pull out my books and folder for my project, attempting to make myself as small as possible.

It breaks me, and tears slide down my cheeks. I swipe them away as I stare unseeing at the open book in front of me. Is this what it means to be omega? Is breaking in half and having your heart crushed part of it?

I want to scream. Hiding goes against every instinct I have. Still, I slink further into the chair as I catch sight of the back of Blake’s head through the stacks, Jill’s fingers thread into his hair. My heart exits out of my ass, but I can’t tear my eyes away.

This right now…Blake kissing her…it’s pure torture. If I could sink into the floor and disappear, I would. Instead, I watch them until they come up for air, every second feeling like a lifetime. My heart feels like it is being put through a grinder. A low whimper falls from my trembling lips, and they stop mashing their faces together as if he heard the sound.

“What’s wrong, Blake?” she says.

“I thought I heard something,” he says, shaking his head. He doesn’t stop her when she leans forward and kisses him again. The sight and sound of it making my lunch turn in my stomach.

Not able to take a moment longer, I shove my stuff into my backpack and take the long way out of the library.

Yeah, I'm a coward. But I also have my self-respect, and there is no way Blake will ever know he's broken me. No way he will ever know I want his kisses.

“Hey, can I join you?” Matt says, pulling me from visions of the past I wish I could forget.

They are like specters in my memory, from a time better left forgotten. Is that why I picked this college? Because I knew they were likely to come here? Matt’s older brother came here, so it was only natural for him to follow. And we had a plan. It included this place.

“Unless you’d rather be alone that is,” he says. A flush darkens his cheeks, and he rubs at the back of his neck nervously.

I prop myself up on my elbows and scoot out of the middle of the blanket. The gentle breeze through the trees creates a symphony of sounds as he takes my offer, settling next to me. I should have said no, that I’d rather be alone. But there is a familiarity with Matt that I miss, even if he doesn’t remember me.

“What is your major?” I ask. Curiosity encourages my question.

He presses his lips together and tilts his face up to the sky. He shrugs. “Business law?”

I laugh. “You don’t sound so sure.”

He shrugs again. “If my mom has anything to say about it, I’d be a doctor.” He laughs to himself.

His mom would want the best for him. But I know she wouldn’t push him into anything he isn’t happy with.

“How did you settle on Business law?”

He runs his palm over his curls, brushing them away from his face, where they promptly flop back onto his forehead. Blowing out his cheeks, he says, “I’m not sure.”

I hum, pressing my lips together to hold back my thoughts. He used to want to be a veterinarian when we were kids. But I suppose I had wanted to open a cat café. Dreams change, and people grow up.

A slight ache tightens my chest, and I rub it. I don't know any of them anymore. And they don't know me.

“Are you okay?” he murmurs.

My fingers run over the blades of grass as I press my lips together in a sad smile.

“Yeah. You just reminded me how much time can change people. I used to want to travel the world, helping people by telling their stories or opening a cat café to bring smiles to peoples faces. Now,” I pause swallowing, “now, I just want to help families with mental health.”

He smiles. “That is still helping people, Quinn.”

My heart gives a jump. It is. But it's selfish, too. If I can prevent one little girl or boy from being torn from everything they know and love, I will.

He leans back on his elbows focusing on the leaves above as they rustle with the breeze. “This park kind of reminds me of my childhood. The water nearby, huge trees, and the nature paths. When I was a kid–” he breaks off, his Adam's apple bobbing. “Never mind.”

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