Page 87 of Knot Forgotten

Brushing my hair away from my face, I attempt to tame it as I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. The door might be shut, but I can feel each of them like a constant buzz beneath my skin. Sensitive and obvious, even in the silence of the small room.

Which should make me more sure of my feelings. But where do I start, and they end? Is the love blooming inside of my heart theirs or mine? Do they love me?

The raised bite marks beneath my fingertips have my heart both soaring and dropping in the same breath.

The tightness in my lungs makes inhaling difficult. Please, no. No. No. No. I can not have a panic attack the second my first real heat with alphas clears.

My father’s voice echoes in my head. They are only hanging around because you are presenting as an omega, and they think your legs will spread really easily for them. Bile rises in my throat.

What if it’s true?

My hands drop to the sink and I wrap my fingers tightly around the surface, attempting to ground myself. Focusing on blocking the bonds to them out so they don’t sense my spiral.

Intentionally, I drag in a deep breath and stare into my own hazel eyes that look much greener than normal beneath the vanity light.

“I am safe,” I say quietly. Deep breath. “This will pass.” Exhale. “It’s not true.”

Focusing on their voices on the other side of the door, I attempt to release my death grip on the countertop. The low hum is soothing, and slowly, my chest loosens, my muscles relax, and I can breathe again.

Before I can talk myself into a true panic attack, I stand up straight and exhale slowly, then twist the doorknob and pull open the door.

Four eyes land on me, and I almost swing it shut again. Instead, pushing the door open, I step out.

Rolling my lips between my teeth, I glance between them. “Ready?”

A soft expression crosses Matt’s face as if he isn’t ready, and if he could choose, we’d stay here. The smile that pulls at Riley’s lips is in contrast to the furrowing of Cam’s brow, but I quickly look away from Cameron. I don’t want to know if he regrets it. Blake runs the silk tie between his hands, and my stomach tumbles into a somersault with hazy memories of him using it on me.

“We all have a lot of school work to catch up on,” Cam says, and my heart drops. The words and his behavior are at odds with what I think I sense through the bond. But maybe it isn’t as easy to read as I thought.

A stiff smile spreads across my lips as my eyebrows raise with a shallow inhale through my nose. “Lead the way.”

The only thing I’m thankful for on the ride back to the school is the fact my perfume has seemed to evaporate, not even a hint of my cupcake scent seeps out. At least, that is one less thing to be embarrassed by.

As we near the school, I clear my throat and wipe my hands off on my shorts. “Before we get back…” I say, unsure yet determined. “Thank you for coming to find me and for not abandoning me during my heat. I–I don’t expect anything from it.”

My words don’t make sense with their marks on my neck, but I feel like I need to say them. I’ll go through the pain of them fading through another heat before making them stay. Did we talk about it before the heat? Yes, but it all felt hypothetical and far off in the distance.

Riley snorts. He reaches out and turns my head to him, meeting my eyes with a look that says, eyes on me. Then he signs, ‘I expect everything.’

My lips tremble as moisture gathers in my eyes. ‘Pretty words,’ I quickly move my hands to form the sentiment.

His eyes darken, changing in intensity as I watch. Reminding me of the man that originally claimed me. He means the words and I’m being overly emotional, probably caused by the drop of hormones and lack of pheromones driving me.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper before he can tell me I’m wrong. “It isn’t that I don’t think you care…” Glancing away, I find Matt’s gaze in the rearview mirror before landing on the side of Cam’s face. He is so stiff. Getting stiffer the closer we are to the university. It is clear he is uncomfortable. “I don't want you to think because you claimed me during the heat that you belong to me.”

My body is in chaos as I force the words out. Because every single ounce of blood in my veins and oxygen in my lungs want me to snatch them back. I may not be in heat anymore, but my mind and heart both scream, ‘Mine!’

Blake chuckles, and the dark sound runs over my skin and down my spine. His hand lands on my thigh, the touch possessive.

“Erin, our little cupcake, you might not think we belong to you. But if any one of us tries to say the same thing about you, we’d be lying. Because the second our marks made this pretty little necklace on your neck, you became ours in every sense of the word. We may be fucked up and a little broken.” He shrugs, his fingers falling away from my throat. “But we are your fucked up and broken pack, and together, we are a fucking masterpiece.”

Unsure of how to respond, air evaporates from my lungs when the full truth of Blake’s words wash over me as he releases whatever hold he has on his emotions, and they rush through the bond and seep into me. He had been holding back. Were all of them holding back? Is that why the bonds felt muted since we got in the car?

“You don’t have to hide from us, Rin,” Matt says, his grip on the steering wheel tight. All of his attention is on me instead of the road.

“I’m not–”

“You are,” he says, cutting me off. “But you’re home now. This is the start of our forever. Don’t push it away before it even gets off the ground.”

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