Screaming out in misery as I slip to my knees, I grip my soaking hair and bawl as the water scalds my skin. All I can think in my head is—you deserve this.
17
JAXON
The second I knew Ava was hurting herself, I abandoned my meeting with the district Alphas and raced home as fast as possible. Despite her unskilled attempt to try and block me out, I could still feel every inch of her physical pain.
I roar at Lucy through our mindlink to check on Ava before it’s too late. I won’t get home in time, but at least she will be there with the pack doctors on standby. The journey back to the house is silent and agonising. By the time I cross our territory borders and run to the front door, I’m up the stairs quicker than I can blink.
My hand presses to Ava’s door, and I find my sister sitting beside her on the bed with Gemma to her left. She’s lying on her front, and my eyes roam her bare back. It’s clear of broken skin, but it remains red and blotchy.
“Is she okay?” I whisper as my eyes flick to her face.
She looks peaceful, but I can’t help but feel she’s content being asleep. It makes my chest compress to the point my lungs can’t even take a breath. Lucy looks at me, and I don’t miss the tears in her eyes.
“She’s okay.” She nods weakly. “I got to her in time. It was bad.”
“Are you okay?” I ask as I sit beside her.
My sister has always had thick skin, but I know when she’s sad, she feels it to the extreme. It’s connected to her witch powers, heightening everything, including her wolf’s senses. I don’t know how she handles it some days.
“I-I just can’t keep seeing her hurt herself like this, Jaxon.” Her lips tremble. “She deserves so much better than this. I don’t know what else we can do. Goddess, she was screaming. She was screaming so loud.”
I wrap my arm over my sister's shoulder, and I tug her into my side. My eyes close at the description. Her screams destroy me every time.
“You’re right; she deserves better.”
Gemma walks around the bed after checking on Ava. “Alpha.” She bows. “She’s stable for now, but I suggest when she wakes up, she comes to see me in my office.”
“Thank you,” I tell her gratefully as she leaves. “And, Luce, thank you. I mean it. I don’t know what I would do without you these last few months. I’ve been a mess.”
She peeks her head up from my shoulder. “You weren’t a mess; you were grieving. Now, you’re on a completely new journey with your old one still intact. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
“What I’m going through?” I repeat. “I couldn’t give a shit what I’m going through. That would be incredibly selfish when I know she’s struggling.”
Lucy gives me a sympathetic smile. “Just because she’s struggling doesn’t mean your struggles aren’t valid.”
“I know, but she’s the priority.”
She grabs my hand to give it a quick squeeze. “Gemma put her in some pyjama pants, but let me wrap her in a cardigan. She said she should wake soon. We should give her some space.”
“No.” I shake my head. “Not after she’s done this for the second time. She could have killed herself, Lucy. I am not taking any more chances. Not when I know her mental state is this fragile.”
My sister flashes me a conflicting look. “Jaxon–”
“I am not leaving her alone. I am not letting this happen again. I’ll never forgive myself.”
“Okay,” she sighs. “Be gentle with her.”
“I’m always gentle, Luce.”
“I know.”
Lucy gives me a quick hug before sliding a cardigan onto Ava’s arms and over her back as she sleeps softly. “I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah,” I whisper as she leaves the room.
My eyes cut back to Ava. This is all my fault. I set her off in the kitchen. I should never have touched her without permission.