It would help if I could remember a damn thing. But it’s like that part of me has been cut off, and I will never access it again.
“What’s the matter?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I don’t know. I guess this is a lot to process.”
“I know.” He nods in agreement. “But nothing has to go faster than you want it to. Everything will be on your terms. I realise how intimidating this all seems.”
“Yeah,” I rasp. “A lot.”
“Guys!” Lucy’s voice booms across the lake. “Come use the swing!”
I glance at her across the lake on a large rock. I tell myself not to dwell on these feelings and to just enjoy today. I’m out. I’m breathing fresh air. I’m swimming in calming water. I’m free.
That’s what I need to remind myself. I am free.
15
JAXON
Since our trip to the lake a few days ago, the pack house has been fairly quiet, which is a relief as I’ve wanted to stay home and spend time with Ava. She’s been making herself known at breakfast and dinner in my private kitchen, even helping Lucy out with a few things to keep herself busy.
I don’t want to put all my faith in the bond because I want to give Ava all the credit for how hard she’s been trying to settle—despite this not being her true home—but I know the bond between us is helping her realise she can learn to trust me. I want nothing more than for it to be authentic, but I can’t physically slow the bond. It’s inevitable.
That’s why I’m making sure she knows exactly what the bond is doing between us because I want to be honest. The ball is always in her court; I’ve made that clear from the start.
Ava is currently in the living room reading a book with a hot chocolate and a blanket. I decide to leave her to it, to give her some time alone if that’s what she needs.
Lucy meets me in the kitchen and offers me a smile. “So,” she drawls. “Has Ava remembered any of her past yet?”
“No.” I shake my head. “Gemma is trying to help, but she’s struggling.”
Lucy frowns. “Has she thought about Googling herself?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I haven’t asked. I don’t want to meddle in her business. If she wants to come to me, she can come to me.”
“Maybe we should.”
I stare at my sister in disbelief. “Are you serious?”
“It’s public knowledge. It might help. We might be able to figure out where she lived before. It could jolt her memory,” Lucy suggests. “I’m not saying to do a full background check, but if she went missing, then there might be an article online or something.”
I run my teeth over my bottom lip. “I don’t know, Luce.”
“If we find anything of worth, we could show her to see if it helps.”
My eyes close for a brief second. I might have done some questionable things in my life, but this settles awkwardly in my stomach. This isn’t how I want her to figure out her past, but at the same time, it might bring her closer to being with her family.
“Fine,” I grumble. “But if we don’t find anything, we leave it, alright?”
Lucy holds up her hands before reaching into her pocket to pull out her phone. I watch the screen as she types in the search bar, “Ava missing girl England”.
A bunch of results show on her phone, but she scrolls and scrolls, and none of them contain anything about Ava. “Not a single thing?” I raise a brow.
“What’s her surname?”
“White.”
Lucy tries again and scrolls with her thumb. I turn away because this is ridiculous. There isn’t a single article, and we shouldn’t be doing this anyway. This isn’t how I want to earn Ava’s trust.