I chew on the inside of my cheek. “Thank you, Gemma. That’s…kind of you.”
“You’re welcome, Ava. My door is always open.”
I can’t remember the last safe space I had, but Gemma opens up a door to a bunch of possibilities. I’m not there yet. Although I want to be.
10
AVA
The sun continues to dip in and out of the clouds as I perch on the patio steps. I prepare myself for rain—not that I’d mind. My eyes close as I wrap my arms around my knees and inhale the fresh air.
Last night was the best night's sleep I’ve had since being here. It wasn’t great, but better than usual. Ever since the incident in Jaxon’s office, I’ve been keeping to myself. I’m still mortified over waking the entire house.
The back door creaks open, and I glance over my shoulder to find Jaxon. He’s in a black T-shirt that stretches over his broad chest and thick arms. “Hey,” he greets. “May I sit with you?”
I stare at the spot beside me, and I brush my teeth across my lip. “Uh. Okay.”
Jaxon nods and perches on the other end of the step. Enough space between us that I don’t have to count my breaths. “How are you today?”
I shrug and look at the grass. “I’m okay, I think.”
We fall into silence as I clutch my legs closer to my chest. Jaxon happily sits beside me. I don’t hate his company—I’m just wary of it. I take a peek at him, but he’s looking out to the trees.
“Can I ask you something?” I whisper, my curiosity getting the better of me.
He turns with those intense blue eyes. “Of course.”
I swallow and take my time to find my words. “Why is it when I’m with you, I somehow manage to feel calmer? With my panic attack. I don’t understand. It sounds stupid when I say it out loud, but I felt…something.”
His gaze flicks between mine. For a moment, I think he’s not going to say anything, and then he says, “Do you know what mates are?”
My eyes widen a fraction. I nod once.
How could I not know what mates are after Lucien threw that word around every damn day? Worthless, pathetic human mate. He made it known.
“Well, when two people are mates, they share a very special bond which is unique to every couple. Sometimes, they can feel emotions, thoughts, and each other’s pain. Sometimes, they can tune into each other, give each other peace and calmness,” he explains. “Mates keep each other safe.”
My heart thrashes in my chest at his statement. My lashes tickle my cheekbone over and over as I try to digest his words. That sounds nothing like what I endured with Lucien. All I felt was suffering.
“But that can’t be true.”
“It is because the Moon Goddess believes mates have what the other needs. The power one might yield could help the other and vice-versa.”
My forehead creases at his statement. Does that mean I deserved all the abuse from Lucien? A sinking sensation forms in my stomach.
“B-but I’m not a werewolf.”
Jaxon’s mouth curls in a half-smile. “I know.”
“So, what are you saying?”
He takes down a long breath and holds my gaze. “I’m saying that you are my mate, Ava. I felt your pain. I felt your distress. I felt your panic. I knew something was wrong because the bond between us told me, and that’s why I came up to make sure you were okay. It’s the same as the other night. I used our bond for reassurance, but you are the one who stopped your panic attack.”
Every part of my body turns rigid. Tears threaten my eyes, and I’m swamped with utter confusion. How? Why?
Lucien said I was his mate. Was that a lie? I release an internal groan of pure frustration. I hate this world. I hate trying to understand their reality. What does any of it truly mean?
“I know this is difficult for you to understand,” he says gently.