Sadness.

Guilt.

Regret.

My airways begin to tighten. I ball my hand into a fist and shoot up from my chair. My back hunches over my desk as I try to control my breathing. Fuck. I need air. I need to get the hell out of here.

I storm across my office, throwing open the door. It crashes into the wall loudly as I rush down the stairs before my lungs constrict from all the tightness consuming me.

“Jaxon!” I hear my sister, Lucy, call out to me.

But I ignore her, my vision tunnelling. I set my eyes on the front door, and then I’m outside before I can even blink. I need to get as far away from here as possible.

My entire pack has taken the hit of my grief far too many times. I despise myself for the pain I’ve caused them, but they will never understand the agony I experience daily. The only way I know how to deal with it is to isolate myself. Grieving is not easy; anyone who says it gets better is a liar.

As soon as I step outside, the crisp air whips against the back of my neck. The heat that radiates from my body is alarming, but it’s the least of my worries. I rip open the door to my car, start the engine, and drive away. My mind is occupied with a thousand different thoughts, making my fingers wrap around the leather steering wheel tightly.

I wish I could run out into the woods and shift, spend the evening with nature. That would calm me. But I can’t even do that.

When Julia died, my wolf went into hiding. I haven’t seen him for nine months. I haven’t felt him—haven’t felt his instincts or feelings. It’s like he’s dead inside me. The only reason I know he’s still there is because I’m alive.

If I lost him, too, I wouldn’t be here right now.

He’s weak and heartbroken—we both are—but he doesn’t want to be seen. I’m envious of him in that sense. I would do anything to be wholly alone.

What is the point of living without your mate, the only person that could ever make you feel truly complete? The bond never lies. The bond is eternal. The bond that I will never get to experience again.

I suddenly snap out of my trance and realise I’ve been driving for minutes on end without thinking.

Shit.

My mind needs the distraction and a change of scenery, but it’s hard when it wanders without permission.

My fists continue to grip the steering wheel as I turn down a long, empty road. The night is pitch-black, the sky full of clouds and not a single star in sight. That doesn’t make me feel any better. Sometimes, I like to think she’s watching over me. My own angel looking from the sky above, yet I cannot see one star that wants to peek out behind the clouds of pure darkness.

The road starts to narrow, and the trees grow taller over me, but it’s an illusion. I drag a hand through my hair and focus on the road ahead. Not Julia. Anything but Julia.

Why is nothing ever simple? I wish I could switch off my overactive brain for even a minute. That would be true peace.

My nose tingles as a soft scent swarms me. All my senses become unbearably sensitive. I glance down at my arms to find my skin rising in goosebumps. I straighten in my seat, squinting my eyes at the dimly lit road. I have exceptional vision, but something is off.

The smell is faint, but it’s undeniably beautiful—a subtle scent of vanilla mixed with a heavy dose of chestnut. Where is it coming from? It’s becoming stronger by the second. Pins and needles develop in my hand, and I take my fingers off the steering wheel to give them a quick stretch.

The darkness of the trees reflects down onto the road. It looks a lot more sinister than it actually is. They blow aggressively in the wind as if the atmosphere has taken a turn for the worst. My foot presses on the brakes, slowing down. I’m on edge from twitching at every movement I see.

My eyes snap to the left side of the road as the bushes rustle. The scent is even more intense now. It’s suffocating my lungs to the point I’m struggling to breathe.

Within a second, I slam my foot down on the brakes full force when I see a young girl emerge from the wooded area. She dashes across the road with a slight limp, her clothes shredded.

She attempts to make it to the other end of the road without looking. I almost hit her. I do my best to swerve, but there is nowhere else to go on this narrow road. My tyres screech to a halt as her hand presses on the hood of my car, and her body wobbles, her feet now out of sequence.

Her terrified eyes peer at me through my windscreen, her chest heaving with every breath she takes. Her entire body is trembling, with cuts and bruises painting her skin.

The scent is so intense that my heart begins to race rapidly. I capture her dark, willow eyes with mine. For a moment, it’s like time stands still, and nothing else matters.

My wolf howls inside me, bringing everything back to life I thought I had lost. I part my lips in complete and utter shock, unable to move from my frozen stance and the new waves of emotions I forgot existed.

Mate.