Page 123 of Second Chance Mates

Ava clings onto me as I rock us from side to side, still positioned on the floor. I press her chest against mine and let the beat of our hearts synchronise. She releases a soft sound and then an exhale of ease. “I’m sorry for using our bond to calm you. I realise now that your head must have been a very overwhelming place.”

She pulls back, but I continue to hold onto her. “No.” Her voice is strangled. “I’m sorry. You were trying to help, and I was pushing you away.”

I raise my hand to brush away her hair in front of her eyes. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” I kiss her temple.

“I wish I could go back to being normal. Every time I believe I’m doing well and getting better, something like this happens.” Her eyes fall to my chest. “I know I’m not back at square one, but sometimes, it feels like it.”

“Your recovery doesn’t have a timeline, Ava.” I stroke my thumb across her cheek. “You don’t need to put pressure on yourself to feel good all the time. It’s normal to have hiccups. But keep being vocal about them, if not with me, then at least Gemma. I know you’ve grown a strong relationship with her. I never want you to struggle in silence. It’s one of my biggest fears.”

She nods slowly. “Yeah, I have grown a strong relationship with her. She’s taught me to open up and that my feelings are always valid.”

“Because they are,” I state.

Ava purses her lips, and we stay in silence for a moment. I stand from the floor and hold her close to my chest. I walk us to the bed and tuck ourselves beneath the sheets.

“How do you know how to deal with panic attacks?” she asks with her head on my chest and our fingers entwined over my stomach.

I drag my tongue across my lip. “Because when Julia passed, I used to get them. I didn’t know what was happening to me, and it felt like I was dying. But then I realised it was pure fear, anxiety. I taught myself breathing techniques because I didn’t want to feel like that again.”

She nods once. “Do you still get them?”

“No. I only got them a few months after her death. It’s been a while since I felt like that.”

“Thank you for being honest with me about her,” she whispers.

I tilt my head towards her with a frown. “What do you mean?”

Ava looks away with a shrug. “She was a big part of your life, but when I ask you things, you talk about her. You don’t keep that part of your life from me. It’s nice to know you’re transparent about it. Your life isn’t a secret.”

“I don’t keep any secrets from you, Ava.”

“I know.”

I lean over to kiss the crown of her head. “Tell me something.”

“Like what?” She looks at me.

“Something. Anything. Now that you remember your past, I’d love to hear whatever you’re willing to share.”

Ava sucks in a deep breath. “Okay,” she hums. “When I was seven, I entered a talent contest at school. It was the Christmas show, so I did a dance to ‘Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree’. I honestly thought it was great, the best thing I had ever choreographed. The prizes were given out, and I won nothing but a good-effort medal. I cried for a week.”

A small chuckle passes my lips. “That’s sweet. I would have loved to see the footage.”

“Oh, there was no footage.” She shakes her head. “My foster parents at the time were too busy with all the other kids they took in. I’m sure they turned up late and missed my performance anyway.”

The thought makes my heart strain. She never had a loving family growing up.

“Were all your foster parents like that?”

Her head shakes. “Not all. Some. I never understood why we couldn’t stay in one place for longer than six months.”

“Tell me something else.”

“I’m quite fond of spiders,” she blurts.

My eyes widen in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah. A kid brought his pet tarantula to school one time, and I asked to hold it. It was pretty cute. Its name was Kinsey. I remember because I looked at it and thought, ‘How can anyone be afraid of this adorable spider called Kinsey?’”

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