Page 124 of The Heir's Bargain

"She’s—she’s my best friend," I whispered, my hand falling onto the railing beside me for support. "What am I supposed to do now?"

My mother didn't say anything, only wrapped her arms around me as my soul bled from my eyes.

Chapter 33

DANI

Between my fight with Fynn and the day the boat set sail, training and meetings filled my schedule. At first, I was thankful for the distractions. It meant I was too occupied during the day to think about the heartache that was trying to swallow me whole. Yet no matter how much my muscles ached or my eyes burned from exhaustion, when the night greeted me, so too did thoughts of Fynn.

Every night when I laid down to go to sleep, I replayed our fight in my head, despite knowing I shouldn't. It was my nature to review past events and study them for better alternatives. I tried to see if there was a way our argument could have ended differently, a way I couldn’t have prevented the argument. But no matter how I looked at it, I knew nothing would have changed the outcome.

I understood Fynn's concerns. I understood why he was worried. Yet understanding his fears did not mean we could have avoided the inevitable.

And that fight? It was inevitable, no matter how we twisted it.

Fynn wanted to protect those he loved; I wanted to fight for them.

The morning before Moris, Sylvia, Quint, and I set sail, I stood on the dock with our closest friends and family—saying goodbye without uttering the actual word to those who came.

My parents stood with my brothers and their wives. After giving me a quick hug, Sawyer hurried after Ronan. My nephew ran up and down the dock, chasing after the fish swimming in the sea. When I was Ronan's age, I had attended several send-offs for my father. Back then, I didn't understand the dangers my father and the other soldiers often faced when they departed. It was strange being on the other side now, seeing the watery eyes of loved ones and the smiles of ignorant children as they played on the dock.

As I kissed my niece's forehead, I knew in my heart that the leaders were wrong. Everyone standing on the dock—my family and friends—was another reason I fought for my kingdom.

They were my why.

I should have never let the leaders’ concerns with my love life get in the way of seeing that. I should have never let my father make me think otherwise. I had plenty of people to fight for.

My sister-in-law, Ambrosia, smiled at me as Lia reached for me. Chuckling, I gave her my finger, and her tiny fingers wrapped around mine.

"Come home safe, all right? You're the only sane one among your brothers," Ambrosia said.

My brothers’ wives and I weren’t close. Both were quiet women, focused on building their homes and families. But I liked them well enough. They made Sawyer and Xavier happy—and I especially liked how they kept my brothers out of my hair for once.

I laughed. "If only that were true."

Lia released my hand and reached for her mother's hair, tugging it. Ambrosia chuckled. After a swift embrace, my sister-in-law turned away and headed for Sawyer and Ronan.

Terin stepped forward, pulling me into a hug and squeezing me tight. All the words no one said were embedded into his embrace. But it was what he chose to say aloud that had me stumbling back a half step.

"I did ask him to come."

I struggled to swallow the rising lump in my throat. "I—I wasn't looking."

"If you say so, Dani." Terin's brown eyes met mine, and I dropped his gaze, offering him a terse smile, unwilling to admit the sourness in my stomach.

I shouldn't have been surprised. In truth, I hadn't expected even Terin or Graeson to show up. None of us liked goodbyes. But deep down, I had hoped Fynn would have shown up.

Captain Squires, one of the most experienced sailors, whistled. After one final look at my friends and family, I boarded the ship with the rest of my squad. Then, we were off.

And I forced myself not to look back.

In the first couple of hours, everyone was lively, and the excitement of the voyage was fresh in the air. Leaving Pontia, the Red Sea was calm, as if the god Pontanius were blessing us on our journey south. But the trip from Pontia was always easy; it was the journey back that would prove to be treacherous, according to Captain Squires.

As we sailed, Quint tried to make small talk about the weather or his family, and I tried my best to listen. But when the nodding and smiling became too much, I gave up, my smile fading in the salt-filled air.

At some point, Sylvia and Moris tried to pull me into a game of cards, but I couldn't recall the rules of a game I had known since I was a child. Diamonds looked like hearts, and queens melted into kings.

As the sun beamed down on the dock, the loneliness crept in.

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