But the car service became a luxury I didn’t really want to kick.
I opened the text I’d received from Juno that morning. The same one I still hadn’t had the guts to reply to.
Juno
So um, my brother’s an alpha now?? What the hell! He said you were there when it happened.
I had typed and deleted and retyped about fifteen responses throughout the day and hadn’t felt good about any of them.
Just a weird coincidence I guess — downplayed it way too much and would probably make Juno more suspicious.
Woah that is wild! How old is he, like 29? That’s pretty late right? — way too enthusiastic about the wrong thing and would probably make Juno more suspicious.
Yeah, it probably happened when we kissed. Maybe even BECAUSE we kissed — would not only elicit a screaming voice note from Juno but also make her more suspicious.
In summary, I was not having much luck.
But this was Juno. We’d been through so much together.
Yes, I was there. It wasn’t what I was expecting and I’m still processing it all to be honest.
I sent it off and hoped for the best. My phone vibrated with Juno’s reply almost instantaneously.
Juno
Love you Haze. Here for both of you if you need.
I released a sigh of relief. At least that was dealt with for now. My thumb hovered idly over the messaging app and before I knew it, I’d swiped till I found the muted group chat between myself and my parents. I proceeded to open it up because I was a complete glutton for punishment.
Mum remained persistent, messaging every day. Dad was…just there.
So, the usual.
Mum
Praying for you.
God bless you my daughter.
2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
Bao bei, God has impressed upon me to share this scripture with you. There is still time for you to repent and–
The chat window whooshed away. I wondered why I did this to myself when I felt so fucking shit after.
It wasn’t even about the Bible verses being such thinly-veiled vehicles of guilt. It would’ve been easier if my memories of church had been awful. But they weren’t. My childhood had been mostly happy, surrounded by a loving community even if in retrospect the teachings were so incongruous with my values today. My parents could be…stifling sometimes but that seemed pretty standard for Asian parents. I mean, that’s how they showed love, wasn’t that what everyone said?
Now all of that had been reduced to this.
I still couldn’t bring myself to block them. Whenever my thumb hovered over those definitive red letters, I could hear my mum lamenting about how old they were getting. Stories about her friends with daughters that were always around and helpful and took care of their parents.
Not to mention the grim, bottled-up look on my dad’s face. Full of emotions without the ability to process them, let alone express himself.
I couldn’t even begin to untangle the mire of regret that consumed me when I thought of them.
My phone vibrated and I looked down to see another text from Juno.
Juno