Page 26 of The Heat of Us

But god the memory of his scent. The whole time we spoke, his gentle peppermint beta scent calmed me. I had no idea it was a lure. Then his tentative kisses turned fierce. Intense. Decadent. The dark chocolate hit me out of nowhere and suddenly he was exactly what I needed and everything I’d ever craved.

I shook my head, ignoring the way Kerry looked at me curiously.

It meant nothing.

I had a scent matched alpha already and it wasn’t Ben Liu.

“I’ve started collaborating with an OnlyA’s creator and that’s been very successful for both of us. I feel stronger than ever at the gym and…” I paused, wondering how to best describe the situation with Ben. “I met my friend Juno’s brother Ben. At her party,” I finished lamely.

Kerry wrote a few things down on her notepad before looking back up. “Hazel, that’s wonderful. I’d like to remind you that this right here—” She gestured between us with her pen. “Is a relationship. You decide what you’d like to get out of these sessions. I know they’re mandatory because you’re a trial participant, but please don’t discount how beneficial this can be for you. I’d like to hear more about this OnlyA’s alpha and Ben, if you’re willing.”

Of course she did. There wouldn’t have been even a passing reference to another man outside of heat partners in my files.

Today I mentioned two.

“No,” I said, devoid of emotion. “Not today, please.”

Not ever.

“Of course. We can discuss them when you feel more ready but I do think it’s important that we do.” I could see Kerry drawing what looked like an asterisk on her page. Then circling it. She was certainly thorough. “Now tell me, how is your heat management going?”

The heaviness in my chest lessened slightly knowing Kerry wasn’t going to push the issue. I glanced at my phone. “Well, I’m pretty regular and in line with what my cycle tracker app predicts. I have my usual appointments with heat services coming up.”

“Are you still content with starting the process from scratch every heat?”

I knew full well what I was doing was not the norm. Omegas who used the National Omega Commission’s heat services usually went through a lengthy interview process involving scent cards, health screens and consent checks. Those who used it regularly tended to use the same rotation of alphas every time, essentially fast-tracking the process after the initial onboarding.

I started from the beginning every single time. I never requested the same alpha twice, no matter how attentive he had been in helping me through my heat.

“Yes.” I met Kerry’s eyes firmly. “That’s what I’m most comfortable with.”

Kerry’s pen lid found the little dimple in her chin and her head tilted to one side. With her large glasses it made her look like an owl. “Sometimes what we’re most comfortable with is not what’s best for us, Hazel.”

And there it was.

“I think we need to unpack why you feel the need to never go through a heat with the same alpha.”

I’m sure Kerry would love to do that. All the other therapists certainly tried.

“Isn’t it better that I don’t get attached to random heat services alphas?” I countered. “I don’t think I’m meant to treat it like some backwards sort of dating service.”

I barely listened as she tried to convince me that having regular heat service alphas was the norm and consistency was better for my omega.

Kerry tried a different tack when she realised she was getting nowhere. “Have you had any contact with your parents recently?” she asked.

I stared at the bowl of rocks again, letting my eyes glaze over.

“Nope.”

Kerry sighed.

I confirmed that the licence plate of the omega car service I’d called matched the one on my app before sliding into the backseat. I could’ve caught a tram from Kerry’s office at NOC to my apartment but I’d gotten into the habit of calling the car service when tensions had been high surrounding bond dissolution.

I never did tell Juno about the graffiti I would see appear overnight in the city. Large swooping Greek A’s and a bold underline beneath. On brick walls, back alley doors and billboards. Alpha Brotherhood. They also liked to tag the women’s symbol on public bathrooms with it, no better than feral dogs pissing over what they thought was theirs.

I also didn’t mention the increased violence on weekends as tensions boiled over, fueled by drink and triggered by young alphas feeling like the world owed them something.

The graffiti had since been scrubbed and the hostilities reduced to a low simmer.

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