Page 45 of Forever Always

“Listen, I know I said it before, but I appreciate you bein’ there for Jay. I know it really meant a lot to him.”

Dakota grunted but didn’t say anything else. Okay, then. “I also can see that somethin’ is happenin’ here, which is good. Jay needs someone besides Riley and me.”

“Clearly.”

“Dakota,” Jay hissed. “Seriously?”

But I just grinned. I liked this guy. He didn’t fuckin’ know me. Hell, he barely knew Jay. Yet he was already willing to go to bat for him.

“It’s fine, Jay. Listen, I know you don’t like me, and that’s fine. But it looks like you wanna be part of Jay’s life and I ain’t goin’ anywhere, so can we at least be civil?”

“I am being civil. I know it’s none of my business where you were or why you didn’t come once while his mom was in a coma. Jay made that clear to me. I’m the outsider here. I get that. But you’re right that I do care about Jay, even in this short time, and I’d like to think he has someone in his corner. He says he does, but I’m having a hard time reconciling everything he did tell me about you with what I saw.”

I squeezed the bar. “I had a panic attack.”

Dakota frowned. “Huh?”

“Right before everything with his mom, well, durin’ I guess. We were lookin’ for her when it happened. I had a bad panic attack. And then, I-I don’t know the real term for it, but I blacked out. For days, I couldn’t leave bed. I couldn’t fuckin’ move or open my eyes most of the time. And when I did, it was cause I’d had a nightmare and usually ended up pukin’ my guts out before goin’ zombie again. I needed Riley to literally lie on me to keep me from crawlin’ out of my own damn skin. I feel like shit that I missed everything with Jay. He’s always been there for me, and my own fucked-up shit kept me from bein’ the friend I should have been, and Riley couldn’t leave me alone because he couldn’t trust that I wouldn’t try to kill myself if he did. Which is a real fuckin’ fear. So yeah, I’m a shitty friend. I know that. Jay deserves someone better than me. But I’m all he has and like I said, I ain’t going nowhere. I’ll do anything to make up for not bein’ there when he needed me most. If that means toleratin’ you, then I’ll do that. I hope you can do the same for me.”

I pushed away from the bar and stormed to the back before he could respond. I needed fuckin’ air. Everything was closing in on me, and I needed to get away.

“I-I’m taking 10,” I yelled in Walter’s general direction before pushing through the back door and into the alley.

Once I was out, I slumped against the wall, my hands on my knees. Even though the place smelled like garbage and booze, I could finally get air in my lungs. Fuck. I’d never said any of that stuff out loud before. There was no need. Riley and Jay were usually the ones takin’ care of me when that shit happened so I didn’t have to explain it. It fucking sucked. But I could see Dakota cared about Jay, even if they’d just met, and he needed someone solely on his side. Because as much as I loved Jay and would do anything for him, Riley would always come first, and nothing would change that. Maybe there was a chance Dakota could be that person for him. He already knew about Jay’s fucked-up family and wasn’t running.

The door to the back opened. “I’m fine, Jay. Go back to your boyfriend. I’ll be there in a minute.”

“It’s not Jay. And I’m not his boyfriend. At least not yet.”

I pushed off the wall as Dakota walked out and into the alley.

“You really shouldn’t be out here. This ain’t the safest area.”

He snorted. “I’ll take my chances.”

“Did Jay send you out here?” It didn’t seem likely, but what did I know? “I really am fine. I just need a minute.”

“No, he didn’t. I came out here to apologize.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. This guy confused the fuck outta me. “For what?”

“For judging you without knowing the whole story. For forcing you to tell me something personal about you that I really had no business knowing just to make things easier on your friend. You didn’t have to do that. I made assumptions I never should have made and acted on those. It’s something I try hard not to do, especially in my profession, and I did it to you and your brother.”

I shrugged and ran my hands through my hair to try and stop the shaking. “It’s fine, man. You ain’t the first one to do it and you won’t be the last. Listen, Jay needs someone in his corner. If that’s you, then I’ll do what I can to make things easier. If you stick around, you’ll figure out how fucked up I am quick enough anyway. Now you just know what to expect.”

Dakota shot me a dirty look. “You’re not fucked up because you have panic attacks or depressive episodes or anything else. Don’t say shit like that. It’s offensive.”

A laugh escaped me unexpectedly. “How’s it offensive if I’m sayin’ it about myself?”

Dakota pursed his lips. “Would you say that about Jay or your brother if they were struggling?”

“Fuck that. They’re not fucked up.” I refused to look at the double standard. “Is this why you came out here? To give me a psychology lesson?”

Dakota huffed. “No, I came out here to make a truce. You’re right. I do care about Jay. I’m not sure if Jay even realized it, but I remembered him from previous times his mom was admitted in the hospital, and I won’t lie, I had my eye on him but never approached him outside a professional conversation. This time, he just looked so lost and alone. I want us to be more, and from how often Jay talks about you and your brother, I have a feeling I’ll be around you a lot. I don’t want to make things harder on him than we have to.”

Dakota held out his hand to shake but I hesitated. “Riley is my stepbrother. We’re not related.”

He blinked. “Okay . . .”

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