Page 15 of Forever Always

Then Beckett blinked and all the possessiveness and tension were gone, replaced by guilt. What the fuck?

“Fuck, Ri. I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”

“What?” Wait, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

“You’re right. I don’t own you. I—fuck. I’m an asshole. You’re right. You can talk to whoever you want. Just—” He tugged at his hair so hard, I was afraid he was gonna rip it out. Shit, this wasn’t supposed to happen. He looked broken, and I felt like shit. I never meant to hurt him. “Just,” he finally continues, “please be careful. I can’t lose you.”

He stormed out of the bathroom before I could even think of a response. I just got my shit together enough to follow him when I heard the front door slam, letting me know he’d left.

CHAPTER 5

BECKETT

Jay gave me some serious side-eye as I poured myself another shot of vodka from behind the bar.

“Y’know, Walter is gonna fire your ass if he ever realizes just how much of his booze you help yourself too.”

I snorted as I poured him a shot and pushed it down the bar.

“He ain’t firing me. This place won’t run without me.”

It was true enough. Walter had been pissed when I’d gotten the job at the factory and went down to only weekends and two additional nights at the bar. I was his most reliable employee and had been since I was 16, when I’d come in with an ID we’d both known was fake, begging for a job.

Besides, I knew he didn’t care that I helped myself to some of the booze. It never got in the way of my job, and I made way more for him than I took.

“He was probably happy when you asked for extra shifts,” Jay said. His tone was casual, but I couldn’t help but feel like there was way more meaning to his words.

It was a Tuesday, which meant it was slow as fuck in here. Maybe in an hour, when the game started, a few more people would trickle in, but right now it was just Jay, me, and a couple of regulars.

While it wasn’t weird for Jay to keep me company when I worked, I always hoped he’d miss Tuesday. It was the designated day he and his mom had dinner together. It was something they tried to do whenever she was sober enough to remember she had a son and needed to eat. She was never completely sober these days, so Jay just settled for functional. I had mixed feelings about the whole thing. I was glad he was trying to have a relationship with his mom and trying to forgive her for the bullshit she’d done when he was a kid. But more often than not, he just showed up at our apartment or the bar with the disappointed, kicked puppy expression on his face that he currently had. I fuckin’ hated it. Jay was my family. I didn’t like my family goin’ through shit I couldn’t fix, and this was firmly in that category. It made me wanna gouge someone’s eyes out.

If he was here now, it meant his mom wasn’t up for dinner. Or she was MIA. He was trying to hide how much it hurt because having hope when it came to our parents was askin’ for trouble, but I got it. It was hard to break from that habit that maybe this would be the time. That maybe they’d remember that they loved us enough to fight through the addiction.

For him to be here, especially this early, wasn’t a good sign, but he wasn’t talking about it and I wasn’t gonna push. Our parents were sensitive subjects.

“Is Riley at work?” he asked after I didn’t respond to his last comment.

I knew what Jay was getting at, but all I could think about was when he’d come home this morning and everything that had happened afterward. I’d replayed the conversation over and over in my head throughout the whole day. And that fuckin’ text message . . . I didn’t know who this Cole guy was, but if I ever saw that fucker . . .

No. Shit. What the fuck was wrong with me? My head was all over the place. Part of me felt guilty and sick. Yeah, I was protective and worried about Ri, but my reaction went far beyond one of a brother. He was a grown ass man. I needed to let some of my control go so he could live his damn life. Why did that thought make me want to puke?

I stumbled back a step when something started waving in my face. Jay’s hand. “Yo, earth to Beck. You still with me, man?”

I scrubbed my face and tried to get my shit together.

Luckily, the place was deader than a doornail right now, so I only had to worry about Jay’s scrutiny, not my job.

“Yeah. Sorry.” My hands shook as I poured myself more vodka.

Jay’s stool slid across the floor as he stood. “Shit. Take it easy with that crap, Beck. That’s the third shot you’ve taken in an hour. And have you eaten anything?”

I shot him a dirty look. If he only knew the thoughts in my head right now, he’d be helping me drown out the crazy.

I scowled at him. “I’m fine, Mom.”

Jay didn’t take the bait. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

“Riley made me a sandwich.” I didn’t bother to elaborate that I ate half of it at 12 and then saved the rest for tomorrow. It’d felt like lead in my gut, and I couldn’t get myself to take another bite. That wasn’t the point. “Are we done with the fuckin’ interrogation now? I can play this game too.” He needed the reminder that I knew he shouldn’t be here right now.

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