Page 3 of Trick

“Is she okay?” Heidi’s sleepy voice has me turning.

For some reason, guilt washes over me. It’s crazy. Sophia is my child, and yet I feel the need to justify myself.

“She needed changing.”

“You should’ve woken me.”

“It’s fine. I managed.”

She rubs at the back of her neck, her eyes heavy. “I didn’t hear her crying. I think the batteries are dead in the baby monitor in my room.” She steps into the nursery, peering at Sophia. “Did you use the nappy cream?”

“Uh… yeah. I used that stuff.” I point to the tube I’d picked out. “Is it wrong?”

Heidi shakes her head. “It’s fine.”

I don’t know shit about being a parent. Even in the last month, I haven’t learned enough yet to be a good father. I’m not sure I ever will.

And Sophia reminds me of the fact as she reaches for Heidi, her little fingers trying to grab her. It’s not me she needs.

It’ll never be me.

I hand her over, a lump settling in my throat and stomach. I don’t deserve trust from my child. She doesn’t even know me.

My chest tightens, and I step back, elastic bands snapping around my lungs as I watch Heidi press a kiss to my daughter’s temple.

“You’re so good with her,” I remark.

Heidi’s eyes soften. It’s a change from the past few weeks where she’s been prickly towards me.

I get it. I walked away and then walked back in, wanting to play dad, as if nothing happened.

“I was terrible in those first few weeks,” she admits with a sheepish smile. “Sophia cried nonstop and nothing I did settled her, but eventually, I learned her cries and what they meant.”

She might as well be talking another language. I have no fucking idea about any of this, and I am so out of my depth, I’m drowning.

I scrub a hand over my face, heavy weight bearing down on my shoulders. “I don’t know how to do this.”

She shifts Sophia on her hip, and my daughter relaxes against her. “All she needs is to be loved. Everything else is just basic stuff. Feed her, clean her, keep her alive.”

Love is the one thing I can give her.

Even though it’s only been a short few weeks since I started to connect with my daughter, my heart is already full of her. I know I would die to keep her safe.

“I don’t know what would’ve happened to Sophia if you hadn’t stepped up.”

“Well, I shouldn’t have had to, and I’m still pissed at you for leaving like you did,” she says. “You should never have gone after those bastards, though I understand why you did. I see you’re trying to make things right, and that’s all you can do, Trick.”

“I’m never gonna stop trying to make things right,” I assure her.

“I can see that, but she’s not going to break. You don’t have to be scared of taking care of her.”

“I don’t want to overstep.” It’s not a lie. I feel like a fucking imposter.

“She’s your child. You’re not overstepping.”

I brush my knuckles over Sophia’s cheek, her soft skin like velvet, and she pulls away, burying her head in Heidi’s neck.

That fucking stings, I can’t deny it, but I understand it too. When Heidi’s in the room, it’s her my daughter wants. She’s the one who comforted her when she was sad, took care of her when she was sick. Heidi put her to bed every night and kissed her better. I can’t compete with that, and I can’t change the past, but I can make the future better.

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