Page 12 of Trick

He stares at me for so long, I start to panic that I’ve gone too far.

“I tell you to be careful and you threaten to leave?” His words are quiet, but there’s a bite in them that is unmistakeable.

I didn’t mean for it to come across like an ultimatum, but I’m overwhelmed and overstimulated by this entire conversation. I want it to stop so I can go to my bedroom, put my sadness on a shelf, and forget about it until after the anniversaries pass.

But somehow, I’m making this situation worse.

“I’m not saying that I’ll leave,” I backtrack.

He steps up to the side of the cot so he can check on his daughter, who is oblivious to the turmoil. The way his expression softens for her brings a lump to my throat. He may have left her when she was first born, but there is no denying he loves his daughter.

“Do you want to go?” he asks, his gaze still on Sophia.

This question is loaded and impossible to answer. No, I don’t, but I also know this arrangement can’t last forever. I have the urge to do what I always do when I know I’m going to get hurt—jump first so I don’t have to be pushed.

But I also don’t want to force his hand. “You and Sophia need your life back.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

No, he asked if I want to stay. Just tell him you do.

“What do you want from me, Trick?”

He pulls his bottom lip angrily between his teeth. “I don’t want anything from you other than to keep you safe.”

“Why?”

His eyes narrow, and I can tell his patience is hitting the end of his tolerance. It’s not a good idea to keep pushing him, but for some reason, I relish the argument. It helps to expel the pain I’m feeling.

“What do you mean, why? Because I don’t want you to get hurt.”

I snort at him. “No one is going to give two shits about your live-in nanny, Trick. I’m not even on the Pioneers’ radar.”

As soon as those words leave my mouth, I know I’ve fucked up. There is a beat of silence, the ticking of the clock on the nursery wall the only sound.

I hold my breath so I don’t add to the noise, but when his head tilts to the side, I know that silence is about to be shattered.

“Is that how you view yourself?” he asks, his tone dangerous, and I decide I need tread lightly.

Throwing my hands up, I move away from the cot so I can pace the floor. I’m wired like a coiled spring.

“What else would you call this arrangement?”

The minutest of flinches tells me that revelation hits him hard. “Right. Arrangement.”

I huff out a breath, feeling my control slipping the longer the conversation continues. “I’m not trying to be a bitch, but this is the reality of our situation. I stayed because Sophia needed someone consistent.” And because Mara was my friend and I owed her this. “But you’re home now and you’re doing great. I’m no longer needed.”

He grinds his molars together, his mouth tugging into a snarl. “It pisses me off that you view your role in mine and Soph’s life that way.”

I don’t know why he’s so defensive, but I’ve clearly hit a nerve. “How else should I view it, Trick?”

He stuns me by grabbing my face and forcing my chin up. I’m so taken aback, I don’t push him away, instead freezing with my gaze locked to his.

“I need you to listen carefully to me because I’m only going to say this one fucking time,” he bites the words out. “You’re family, and I’m not sure when you lost sight of that or started considering yourself as fucking expendable, but it stops right fucking now.”

“Language,” I mutter with no real heat. I can’t deny his words sit warm in my chest.

For a while, I thought I’d burned all my bridges here, but maybe there is still hope for me to have my club family again.

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