Page 45 of Trick

“Why?”

“Because… because I’m fuckin’ ashamed.” His head bows. “I left our daughter, Heidi, to go murder fuckers who meant nothing. How am I supposed to stand in front of her with that hanging over me?”

My heart hurts for him. “You said it yourself—we can’t keep living in the past. You need to learn to forgive what you did. Everyone makes mistakes, but you’re here now, and that’s what matters. Visit Mara.” I brace for an argument, and when one doesn’t come, I stand with my hand still in his. “Come on.”

Together, we walk toward her gravesite, and as we approach where she’s laid to rest, his grip on me tightens. I slip my hand free.

“I’ll wait on the bench until you’re done.”

His brows come together. “What do I say?”

“Whatever you want to. Tell her about Sophia. That’s what I do when I visit.”

He doesn’t lift his eyes from her headstone as I walk away, sinking onto the bench. The sky is grey, filled with the promise of rain, and it’s cooler than it’s been in the past week. I pull my jacket farther around my body.

For the first time in a long time, those bands around my lungs are loose enough that I can breathe freely.

The minutes tick by, and I watch his back as he stands in front of his late wife’s grave. This is how we both take the first steps to a future. We can never forget the past, and all three of them will have space in our hearts, but we have to make new spaces, and we have to learn to mend our broken parts.

Eventually, Trick turns from the grave and slowly makes his way back over to the bench. The expression on his face hurts.

“Are you okay?” I ask him.

He scrubs a hand over his beard, and I see the crack in his armour, the vulnerability he’s kept so hidden beneath his fury. I slip my hand into his, letting him know I’m here, but he pulls free immediately.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

He breezes past me, heading for his bike as if he can’t bear to be here a moment longer.

“Trick, wait.” I run to keep up with his long strides, and eventually, he slows to let me catch up with him. “Talk to me.”

He doesn’t seem as if he wants to, and I don’t blame him for that. How long did I hide my feelings?

“I knew she was gone. I’m not stupid, but seeing her in the ground like that…” He breaks off, his face contorting into a disturbed grimace. “It makes me want to bathe in the blood of those fucking cunts.”

I grab his biceps as if I can hold him in place and stop him from doing exactly what he is threatening. “I understand. Believe me, I understand how easy it is to get wrapped up in hate and anger, but you can’t. You have to stay on track for your daughter. She needs you, Trick. I need you too.” The last part comes out a little hesitantly. I’m scared of his reaction, but that fear is unfounded.

The anger bleeds out of his expression as he dips his head towards me. “You need me?”

I had no idea how true that was until this moment. I do need him and Sophia. They are my family, my life. I don’t want to go back to my lonely existence, sitting night after night alone in some tiny little flat, wrapped in my hate and grief.

“I do,” I tell him.

“You shouldn’t have said that, Heidi.”

I frown at him, my heart readying to shatter. “Why?”

“Because now, I’m never letting you go.” His chin rests on my shoulder, his arms tightening around me as he buries his nose in my neck.

I open my mouth to tell him that goes both ways, but a crack reverberates through the air. A slice of pain jolts through my side, forcing a grunt out of me.

Trick pushes me down, his heavy body covering mine with his. I have no idea what’s happening as raised voices yell around us. All I hear is the pounding of my heart in my ears as my brain finally catches up and I realise we’re being shot at.

CHAPTER 13

TRICK

The first gunshot sends a wave of fear through me. I’m no stranger to dodging bullets, so the moment the gun is discharged, I know exactly what it is. I throw my body overtop of Heidi, tucking her against my chest and protecting her head as the volley continues.

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