Page 44 of Trick

“This is for me?”

He nods, suddenly seeming a little anxious as he rubs his nape. It shouldn’t be endearing, but it is, because I know how much he thought about this before doing it.

“I… uh… I wanted to show you that your baby mattered, but maybe this wasn’t the way?—”

I don’t let him finish. I hug him so tight I must be breaking his ribs.

His arms come around me, keeping me in place. He holds me like I’m precious glass that he fears damaging, and I feel safe in his embrace, invincible, like nothing can touch me, even the rollercoaster of emotions I’m experiencing.

“Thank you.”

“You should’ve had this after it happened,” he says into my ear.

Without thinking, I press a kiss to his mouth. It’s a gesture born out of my gratitude and overwhelming love, and I realise a moment too late that I shouldn’t have done it. I try to pull away, but his hand wraps around my nape, holding me in place as he kisses me back.

My toes curl in my boots as his tongue slides over mine. The way my body lights up is dizzying, and I grip his biceps to steady myself as I roll back onto my toes to deepen the kiss.

It shouldn’t feel right, but it does. He is the glue that’s sticking all my broken parts back together, just as I do for him.

Lost in the sensations working through me, I need more while simultaneously grateful for what he’s giving me. I’m no longer surviving but living, and it’s all because of Trick and Sophia.

When we break apart, we’re both breathless, and his eyes are heated as he takes me in. I lean into his touch as he brushes my hair off my face. I don’t want this moment to end.

“Take your time. I’ll wait over there.”

He lets go, his gaze locked on me as he wanders over to a bench close enough to keep an eye on me but far enough to give me some privacy.

I wet my lips with my tongue before I crouch down and run my fingers over the sun on her mini headstone. How did he arrange this so fast? I only told him a few days ago about my loss, but the timing is perfect.

I lift one of the candles to my nose, smelling the vanilla scent. I wish I had something to light it with, but there’s always next time. I place it back in front of the headstone.

Closing my eyes, I wait for the gut-wrenching agony to hit me, but all I feel is a sense of peace. I have a place to come and talk to her. I have somewhere to bring flowers and presents.

For the next few minutes, I arrange the flowers, making the site look pretty, until my legs go numb and I stand. Pressing a kiss to my fingers, I place them on the headstone before I make my way over to Trick. He watches me approach, his arms draped over the back of the bench, his stance relaxed but alert.

We’re on club territory here, but the Pioneers are still a threat, and they don’t play by the rules. I understand him being wary, considering he’s a major target of their anger, but they would have to be stupid to attack us so close to home.

I sink onto the bench next to him, the wind blowing my hair around my face. “You didn’t have to do this,” I say to him, “but thank you.”

“It’s okay?”

“It’s perfect,” I assure him. My gaze gravitates towards Theo’s grave. “I’m tired, Trick.”

His fingers interlace with mine as he follows my line of sight.

“We’ve both lived and breathed our pasts and nothing good comes from it, Heidi. I ruined my life and nearly lost everything. You’ve lost more, and we’ll never forget Mara, Crow, or your baby, but we’re still here, you and me. We have to live our lives.”

He’s right. We do, otherwise all the pain, all the suffering has been for nothing.

I peer out over the cemetery. In all the uncertainties, death is the only guarantee. I don’t want to waste any more time, just wiling away until I end up in a plot like this.

I want to have a fulfilling life. I want to be in love and have more babies. I want to enjoy every moment without that pain following me.

One day, I’ll be reunited with my child, with Theo, and with Mara, but that’s not now.

“You’re right,” I tell him. “We do, and the first step in putting our pasts to rest is you visiting your wife’s grave. You have to face Mara.”

His jaw tightens, the muscles twitching at my words, and his fingers flex in mine. “I can’t.”

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