Page 112 of Crashing into Love

“No, that’ll hurt her.”

“Then, what, Selma? That look on your face earlier in the kitchen, when I just picked up plates to help you, told me a lot, and I don’t know where I fit in here. I’m not trying to be her other mother. You know that, right?”

“Babe, I know that. I–” She took Drew’s hand. “I have my grandmother and my family, yes, but I’m in this alone. I am a single parent. At the end of the day, she’s my daughter, my responsibility. And today, it felt like she–”

“Was our responsibility?”

“Yes. It felt like you were her other mother.”

“And that scares you because you don’t want that?”

“Maybe someday,” Selma replied. “But I wasn’t ready for it to feel like that today.”

“I want to be with you, Selma.”

“I want to be with you, too.”

“But I don’t want to have to disappear when Gia’s around,” Drew told her. “I’m not saying I need to be around all the time, but I think today told me that I am ready for this.”

“This what?”

“All of it,” Drew stated. “Look, I’m older than you; you know that. I’ve got maybe a season left before I’m done with professional snowboarding and will need to move on to something else. I’m ready to settle down. I want someone who wants me and is ready for that, too.”

“I am ready for that,” Selma argued.

“I think that would be true if there were no Gia. But just like this is new for me, it’s new for you, too, and I don’t know if you’re ready to let me all the way in. I’m not mad, but I am worried, and I guess I’m a little disappointed, too, because I thought this could be the start for us. You, me, and Gia spending time together. And we’d tell her about us later, when you were ready, but I don’t think you are now, so I don’t know what to do about that.”

“What are you saying?”

“Nothing. I don’t know.” Drew ran her free hand through her hair. “I think I should skip dinner. We didn’t tell Gia I was going, so it should be okay.”

“Drew, no. I–”

“I’m going to book a flight for tomorrow.”

“What?”

“I’ll make sure to say goodbye to Gia before I go.”

“I don’t want you to leave,” Selma said.

“Babe, I need you to be okay with me being in her life, and I don’t know that you are right now. I get it. I do. It’s just hard. You told me once that you wanted me to have what I need, too, and I know what I need now. I’m not trying to pressure you into telling her that we’re together, but even me just being there, now that we are, seemed like a problem today. I didn’t know what to do when we were standing next to each other and we were touching. I know she saw us. I just… I don’t want to have to hide from her even if she doesn’t know about us, Selma. So, I need you to get to a place where you’re ready for me to be involved in whatever way you’ll let me. I can see it.”

“See what?”

“Us being together for a long time. I can see the three of us together in a house, having dinner while she’s telling us something cool that she learned at school, and I love that little fake picture I have in my head. I’m ready for it. Are you?”

“I want to be,” Selma answered as she wiped a tear from her cheek.

“Then, I should go until that changes.”

CHAPTER 33

Drew didn’t want to leave, but she didn’t exactly want to stay, either. Selma had left her sitting on the bed in her room to go back to Gia and her grandmother. Drew didn’t know what to do, so she ordered room service and ate by herself in a room right next to her girlfriend’s, the woman she knew she loved but wasn’t sure was ready for someone to love her back.

Maybe that wasn’t fair – maybe this whole thing wasn’t fair – but Drew knew what she wanted now. And, initially, Selma had been fine with her attending Gia’s party, helping with the cake, getting Gia a gift, and them all having dinner together and playing a game after. She wasn’t sure if Selma still put Gia to bed, and Gia was ten years old now, so it wasn’t likely Selma still tucked her in, but Drew had also been looking forward to putting Gia to bed together. She had this image of the three of them sitting on the couch and Selma telling Gia that it was bedtime. Gia would hug them both and go off to brush her teeth or something, leaving Selma and Drew in the living room alone to watch TV or talk. It was probably some Norman Rockwell-style fantasy, but she’d had it all the same.

Selma snapping at her over a couple of pieces of cake being delivered by her had hit Drew harder than it should. It felt like she was being scolded for trying to be in the most important part of Selma’s life, and she hadn’t liked the idea of Selma wanting her in hotel rooms or at Drew’s place but not at her own. That small moment had Drew worried that Selma was ready for a vacation romance but not something real. When it was just the two of them, it was amazing. But when it was the three of them, Selma got scared, and while Drew understood, she couldn’t keep pushing aside her own fears and concerns about Selma not being ready for them to be something real.

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