“Of course not.” He’s completely right. Books are subjective. A person’s taste in books is as personal as the kind of music they enjoy.
“Your book won’t be for everyone. But it will hopefully find the readers who will appreciate it. Logan certainly thinks it will and he seems to know what he’s talking about.” He appears to be trying to choose his next words carefully. “I like him, for what it’s worth. He’s smart and infuriatingly good at basketball. Most importantly, he seems to really care about you.”
“He loves me.”
“Do you feel the same way?”
“Yes.” Just admitting it out loud to another person makes my chest tighten and ache.
“Did you tell him?”
I shake my head, feeling the pressure build steadily behind my eyes. I blink quickly, like I’m trying to air dry the tears before they fully form.
“Why not?”
I sniff. “Because if I say it out loud, then it’s real. And if it’s real, it can go away.” I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. “When we almost lost Dad, I just kept thinking that none of us would ever be the same. Like, life would go on, of course, but everything would be a little bit worse. Every day. Forever. I feel like that now about Logan. If this thing, whatever it is, falls apart, I know I’ll survive it. But I also know I’ll never be this happy again and that makes the stakes feel very high.”
“Okay.” My brother moves his chair back a few inches and turns it so he’s directly facing me.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m giving you the big game pep talk.” He rolls up the sleeves on his long sleeve crew.
“I don’t want the big game pep talk.” I’m not a middle-schooler and this is not half-time of the championship game.
“Well, you need it so you’re getting it. Just shut up and prepare to be inspired.” He hunches, resting his elbows on his knees. “I know it’s tough to put yourself out there. Sometimes it seems easier to keep one foot out the door so when things get tough, you can run in the opposite direction. But running gets you nowhere if you’re already exactly where you need to be. You need to meet whatever frightens you head on. Because you’re stronger than your fears and love is worth fighting for.” He sits back in his chair, clearly pleased with himself. “How do you feel now?”
“Sad that we share so many DNA markers.”
He extends his leg to kick me under the table, but we both laugh.
“You’re right.” I know he is.
“Of course I am.”
“Thanks, Coach.”
“Anytime, Crone.”
“So.” I relax my legs and reach for my untouched container of Pad Thai. “You like him?”
“I really do. I promise, from here on out, I am one hundred percent supportive of your relationship.” He goes to take a bite, but pauses before it gets to his mouth. “Do you think he likes me? Now that I’ve apologized to him for being a dick?”
I smile at him. “Sure. But I’m pretty sure he likes Callum better.”
Chapter 33
Logan
“Quixotic?”
Stuart takes a break from counting his points. “It means foolishly impractical.”
“Could you use it in a sentence?”
“It was quixotic of the young editor to think he could defeat his wiser and better-looking opponent.”
I shake my head, chuckling. It was quixotic of me. In the seven years we’ve played together, I’ve never beaten him. Growing up, I don’t remember a single board game in my house, and before I met him, I’d never played. But we’ve had some of our best conversations sitting around this square board while we try to outwit one another.