Page 60 of The Write Off

“Unlike you,” Josh says, using a towel to wipe the back of his neck. He’s visibly winded from starting to play harder once he figured out I wasn’t terrible.

“Exactly. That’s why I’m so awesome at it. I’ve had so much practice. But now that I’ve got Logan here, I’ve got a feeling we’re headed for a role reversal, and I, for one, am excited about it.” Rilla has told me that Callum has made an actual fortune as an entrepreneur and I don’t doubt it for a second. I only met him forty-five minutes ago and I’d give him my watch if he asked me to. He’s that likable.

“Whatever, man.” Josh leaves us at the bench and stalks back to his teammates on the court. I’d hoped today would be an opportunity to put this one-sided animosity between us to rest.

As much as she pretends to be indifferent, it’s obvious that Rilla misses her brother. They both need to resolve this conflict and if I can help in any way, I will. With every moment we spend together, her happiness becomes more interlaced with mine.

I love her. I’m not even sure when I realized it, but I do know that it’s not up for debate. Honestly? I thought it would take more of a toll. I anticipated sleepless nights and tortured days, filled with insecurities and doubts. What if she never feels the same way? What if I do something that pushes her away? What if I lose her? What then?

But that’s not how I feel at all. Loving Rilla comes as naturally as breathing. It’s an automatic reflex that doesn’t require thought or effort.

It’s like I’ve spent my entire life stuck on my factory setting of “fine.” Working sixty hour weeks for a promotion that, while nice, won’t change my life in any meaningful way. Attempting to present some version of myself to my parents that they can be proud of, hoping for acceptance that will likely never come. But now the blinds have been opened and suddenly I can see that there’s so much more out there. Suddenly there’s laughter and desire and joy. Actual joy.

Rilla is a force of nature, wild and unpredictable, but beautiful and rare and I’m not only enjoying the present, I can’t wait for what’s to come.

“We’d love to have you and Rilla over for dinner next weekend. Maggie is not happy that she’s the only one who hasn’t met you, properly.” We’re slowly walking back to where the others wait.

“That sounds great. I’ll check with Rilla.”

“Sometime today, boys,” Josh says, holding the ball against his hip and looking impatient, but Callum grins.

“We’ll be back to beating you momentarily, man. Hang tight.” Callum winks at me as he moves to cover his man.

The game resumes and goes similar as before. I may be imagining it, but I feel like Josh is playing more aggressively than before. Every time I turn around he’s there attempting a block or steal. I outmaneuver him easily enough, which only seems to piss him off more.

We win by a lot. If the other guys on Josh’s team mind, I can’t tell. We’re all out of breath and drenched in sweat after running around for an hour.

“So,” Josh says when the others have left and it’s just him, Callum, and myself remaining in the empty gym. “If you’re a mystery editor, how did you wind up with Rilla’s book?”

“I was offered the manuscript last year. It seemed like a great opportunity to branch out and try a new genre.”

“So my sister is a career opportunity for you.”

I was anticipating a jab of some kind but somehow still wasn’t ready for it.

“Don’t be a dick, Josh.” Callum’s warning seems to get through to him because he has the decency to look ashamed of himself.

“I’m sorry,” he says, shaking his head. “It’s just that I know my sister. She doesn’t do relationships.”

It takes effort to keep my face relaxed and my tone neutral. “Given that she’s in one with me, maybe you don’t know her as well as you think you do.”

Josh’s jaw visibly tightens and his eyes narrow. Callum looks nervously between us like he may be forced to step in if things escalate.

“You think you know her better than I do? You’ve been here for five minutes.”

I’m done. I’m not going to sit here and let Josh play the role of the hero big brother for a minute longer.

“Know her better? No.” I stand from the bench and face him. “Understand her more? Without question. You treat Rilla like she’s a fuck-up. A fuck-up you love more than anything and would give your life for, but a fuck-up all the same. Your parents do, too. And I get it. She can play the part, but only because it’s the role you all expect from her. You’re all so ready to give her a participation medal just for showing up when what she needs is for her family to actually believe in her.”

“I do believe in her.”

“You have an interesting way of showing it. Tell me, when you decided to pursue teaching instead of law, did she accuse you of self-sabotaging? Of throwing your life away?” I’ve listened to Rilla talk a lot about her brother in the last few weeks.

“No.”

“Really? She told me that you’d gotten out of a decade-long relationship before you and Betty got together. Tell me, when she found out about you two, how did she react? Did she belittle you? Get mad at you for going after her closest friend?”

“No.” The color has drained from his face and he looks absolutely miserable. “She just wanted me to be happy. She’s always been in my corner.” I watch him sit on the bench, the weight of my words sinking into him, making him heavy. “Rilla’s never really taken anything seriously before. To her, life is a game that she’s really good at winning. Writing gave her such a purpose. It focused her and gave her a goal to work towards. Maybe not a clear path, but a general direction. For the first time, she really cared about something. And she’s so talented! I know how much her book means to her. She’s worked so hard to get where she is. I guess I was scared she was being reckless. But I never wanted her to feel like I didn’t support her.”

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