Page 51 of The Write Off

Rilla

“Have you talked to your brother yet?” Logan asks as I fill a drink order for a couple sitting in a booth. It’s slow for a Friday, but I’m hoping it will pick up in the next hour when people are getting off work.

“I have.” I grab another glass and start filling it with beer. When I risk a glance up at where Logan sits at what I now consider his spot at the bar, he’s leveling me with a stare.

“I mean really talked to him, Rilla.”

I have had exactly four conversations with my brother since our blow up at Maggie’s two weeks ago. A fairly disastrous one three days after the incident where we both essentially held our ground and I walked away fuming. And three chance meetings in the lobby or hallway of the apartment where we exchanged a few words like regular neighbors.

“Crazy weather we’re having.”

“Work going well?”

You get the jist.

“Oh. Well in that case, no.”

His face softens. “You should talk to him.”

“It’s hard to have a conversation with someone when they have their head up their ass.” Grabbing a drink in each hand, I make my way to the booth to deliver them.

It’s not like I want things to be weird with Josh. I don’t. But I also know for once in my life, I’m not the one at fault. I miss the big idiot. And I miss Betty. It’s killed me to distance myself from her, but I don’t want her feeling like she’s some sort of Pine family mediator.

I’ve had to avoid my mother, too. From the voicemails I’ve gotten from her, she doesn’t know all the details but she knows that something is up with us. A mother’s instincts are no joke.

I think what really stings is that I’ve always had Josh’s back. I’ve always taken his side, without question, even when it wasn’t easy to do– because he’s my big brother and I would do anything for him.

Regardless of his uneasiness, he should have been more supportive of my decision to pursue a relationship with Logan.

If that’s what it is that Logan and I are in? Is he my boyfriend? That sounds weird. Never having dated anyone before, I’m not sure if you’re automatically in a relationship or if it has to be decided on more formally. Is it a verbal agreement or is there paperwork involved? I definitely don’t remember signing anything.

In any case, whatever label you put on us, I think it’s going very well. We text a lot and have seen each other every other day over the last couple of weeks. Our conversations can be as heated as our chemistry and I never get tired of hanging out with him. We laugh, we bicker, and we fuck like bunnies.

I’m living the dream.

After the drink delivery, I head back behind the bar where my maybe boyfriend is monitoring my approach. His mouth is set in a firm line. Is it weird that I can’t decide what I find more handsome? Smiling Logan or scowling Logan. They are both just perfection.

I give him my best “I know I’m a rascal, but what are you going to do?” look and he softens. This might be my favorite look on him. Like he can’t stay mad at me because he likes me too much. I’m not sure how I’ve come to deserve these looks. I keep going out of my way to show him the worst parts of me and he keeps coming back for more.

“Do you want to finish the movie this weekend?”

I love how he talks about the entire Lord Of The Rings saga like it’s one big movie and not three long-ass feature films. “I don’t know. Do you think you’re ready for it?”

“I’ve already invested seven hours waiting for Froyo to throw a ring into a pit. Yes, I’m ready.”

“His name is Frodo and you know it.” I swat his arm as he grins at me. He knows exactly how to rile me up and I’m going to think up a suitable punishment for that remark later.

“How is book two coming along?”

The topic change gives me whiplash. “Umm good,” I stammer.

Logan and I haven’t really talked about work since we started…this. We’ve talked about books; books we like and books we’re reading. But we haven’t talked about mine, really.

“Look, I know Bryce kind of put you on a tight timeline and I just wanted to make sure it’s going okay. If you need more time, you should ask for it. Or if you want to bounce ideas off me, I’m here.”

Logan makes me feel a lot of things. Some of them are amazing and some I’m not quite comfortable with yet. But I want to be. I want this to work, maybe more than I’ve wanted anything before. But in order to do that, I need to be honest with him.

“It’s finished, actually.”

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