Page 76 of A Major Puck Up

I swallow past the lump in my throat, silently promising this baby girl that I won’t let that happen to her. No matter how hard this is. No matter how unprepared I am. I’ve got to be a better alternative than that. Right?

Fuck, I hope I am.

“How do people do it?” My words are barely audible, but Dylan smiles in response.

“With help and a lot of alcohol.”

That moment of levity lifts my mood a little, though I’m still overwhelmed with fear when Beckett returns.

“All right, Dippy Do,” he says to Dylan. “I gotta get home to relieve Livy. Gavin, seriously, if you need help, call Brooks.”

I glare at my brother. Was I just thinking of him as my hero? And now he’s taking off and telling me to call someone else when I need help?

“Don’t give me that look. I set up her playpen next to your bed. She’ll probably need a bottle in the middle of the night. You’ll need to change her then as well. The delivery guys should be here in the morning.”

“That’s it? You’re just going to leave me alone with her?”

Dylan stands with a yawn. “Sorry, Gavin. I have a baby to get home to as well.”

As she places Vivi in my arms, genuine terror hits me. “What happened to getting through this with a lot of help? Where’s my freaking help?”

Beckett leans down and kisses Vivi’s forehead, then cups the back of my head and presses one to mine. “You’ll be fine, Daddy.”

I tamp down on my fear and roll my eyes. “No thanks to you.”

He cuffs the back of my neck and jostles me gently. “You’re welcome.”

“What if I forget how to change her?” I ask as I follow them to the door. I don’t think I can do this on my own. “What if I forget how to make the bottle? Are there instructions somewhere? Even freaking McDonald’s toys come with manuals, but you’re leaving me alone with a baby and no instructions?” My voice is panicked as they open the door, making Vivi whimper in my arms.

“I stuck a list of instructions to the fridge,” Dylan calls. “You’ll be fine.”

The moment the door closes, I eye Vivi.Her chubby cheeks, the little wisps of dark hair.

They really left me alone.

An hour later, I’m sitting on the edge of my mattress. In the middle of the bed, surrounded by pillows, Vivi sleeps soundly. I couldn’t put her in the crib. She was too far away. There’s no chance I’ll close my eyes tonight. What if she stops breathing? What if I fall asleep and don’t hear her cry and she’s all alone again? Nope, I’ll lie here and keep an eye on her. I don’t have the first fucking clue what I’m doing, but I do know I won’t abandon her.

I ease onto my back so as not to disturb her and slide off the stack of friendship bracelets I wear on my wrist. All but one. Never have been able to take it off. Then I take out my phone and do the same thing I do every night.

I open to our text chain and start at the beginning.

Peaches: You programmed yourself as “Coach.”

Me: And you’re Peaches. You back in your room?

Peaches: Yes.

Me: Good. Listen, use this number whenever you want. I’ll always be here to talk.

TWENTY-SIX

GAVIN

Brooks: How are you holding up?

Aiden: Are we having practice today?

Beckett: He’s got one ducking kid, and I have five. How come you never ask how I’m doing?

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