Page 22 of A Major Puck Up

Will he come over now that I’m alone?

In a bright Hawaiian shirt, he’d look like the relaxed, funny man my father has always described him as, but the tense jaw and aggressive typing on his phone are giving off the opposite vibe.

Fortunately, his other brother—the stuffy one who, while also ridiculously good-looking, did not even hit my radar when I considered who I’d fuck—is so focused on his newspaper he doesn’t see me ogling his brother.

“Gavin,” I whisper. When he doesn’t react, I do it again, a little louder.

His brown eyes fly up and heat as soon as they land on me. I give a sharp nod of my head, summoning him over. With a few mumbled words to his brother, he’s heading my way.

Though my stomach is in knots as he sits beside me and scans the cabin, posture rigid, my heart skips a beat at just the scent of him. How is it that we only spent a few hours together, and yet my heart seems to recognize his?

“I swear I didn’t know,” he rushes out.

“I know that.”

His shoulders sag, and he blows out a breath. “I mean, what are the chances?” His lips lift in a hint of a small smile. “I wouldn’t take it back,” he says quickly. “I know that’s wrong and fucked up, and I’m sure you’re grossed out now that you know who I am. But I want you to know that I appreciate what last night was for you, and it meant something to me.” He swallows audibly, searching my face, and then, in a softer tone, he repeats, “I wouldn’t take it back. It’s important to me that you know that, even if you wish you could.”

I lick my lips and summon the courage to tell him the truth. I may be a lot of things, and we may have met under false pretenses, but I’m not a liar. “I wouldn’t take it back either. And I’m not grossed out in the least because—” I wet my lips again, heart pounding. “I knew who you were.”

Gavin’s eyes, which have been warm and focused on my mouth, narrow, and he meets my gaze. “’Scuse me?”

“I knew who you were. Last night. It wasn’t—” With a shake of my head, I blow out a slow breath, then launch myself right off the cliff. “I wanted to give my virginity to you. I planned it that way. I knew who you were. It wasn’t kismet or fate or anything like that. I…I wanted it to be you.”

His stare is piercing, penetrating, like he’s trying to read my mind so he can make it make sense. I wish I could give him clarity. I wish I could explain it better. But we don’t have the time. Not now. And I’m not sure I could explain it if I tried.

I’m horrified and disgusted with myself. Not because I had sex with him, but because I deceived him.

Because when I seduced him, I became the kind of person I hate.

It’s the kind of thing my mother would do. It’s almost as if she slipped into my head and plotted it herself. Which is gross on a completely different level.

“You knew I was friends with your father?” His voice is colder, and he’s angled back. The move was almost imperceptible, but he might as well have put miles between us.

“Yes.”

“And what?” He scoffs. “You’re mad at him, so you decided to fuck me?” His teeth are clenched so hard his jaw ticks, and his voice is a little too loud.

Heart lodged in my throat. I press my hands against my armrests and crane my neck, hoping like hell the guys didn’t hear him. As it turns out, we’re completely alone. Even Beckett has disappeared to the bar.

“No. Well, yes,” I stammer. “Originally. But I didn’t go through with it.”

He coughs out a laugh full of anger and incredulity. “Excuse me? If I remember correctly, you absolutely went through with it. Multiple times.”

I suck in a breath and close my eyes. God, I’m not explaining this right.

“Yes. When I went into that bar, my plan was to seduce you. But I-I lost my nerve. I couldn’t go through with it.”

Gavin’s jaw is locked so tight I worry he’ll do real damage to his teeth.

“And then you made me laugh. And smile. And?—”

“I get it. I was there.” He closes his eyes and massages his temple. “Fuck. I—Whatever fucked up bullshit you have going on with your father,” he bites out, eyes open and piercing me once more, “I don’t want to be a part of it. His friendship means a lot to me, and if he finds out about us, it’ll ruin that. So if you’re being honest and you truly felt something for me, then you’ll forget it happened. I know I will.”

I nod quickly as my face grows hot and swallow back the tears that threaten to spill over. “Of course. I’m sorry. I swear I won’t tell a soul.”

His breathing is ragged, and his jaw pulses, but he doesn’t say anything else, and when one tear escapes, I swipe it away quickly, but not before he notices. He closes his eyes and grimaces like he’s in pain at the sight of it.

“I’m just gonna go to the bathroom,” I say, my voice wobbly as I unbuckle myself. Head lowered, I rush off, unable to stomach another second of his disappointment.

---