Page 45 of De Luca: The Saint

I think he wanted it more than he let on. I quickly hopped off the bed after he pulled out of me and put my underwear and jeans on. Within a minute, I was handcuffed and chained to the floor again. I sit staring at an old stain on the floor. It looks like blood, although I’m not quite sure. I’m trying to focus on the reddish-brown mark on the floor because it’s easier to handle than the truth of what just occurred. I don’t look up but hear Wolf talking to Damian, “Was it good for you?” He chuckles.

Damian doesn’t respond, and I can’t possibly look at him after he did that to me. So, I continue looking at the stain like it’s something fascinating. I wonder how many people have died here. I bet it’s a lot.

“We’ll be back when it’s time for you to go again.”

Now, my head pops up as he walks away. They’re going to make me go through this again? Damian tries to scoot closer to me, now also back in handcuffs.

“Please stay where you are. I don’t want you to touch me, or comfort me, or tell me how terrible that was for you.”

The pain is evident in his expression. I look away, unable to even attempt easing his guilt. Anything I say would be spiteful. I have nothing left to give. Turning away from him, I pull my knees to my chest and place my arms over my calves, letting the cuffs dig into my skin. Somehow, the pain of the metal feels better than what was just done to me. Not the physical part. He really didn’t hurt me physically. There are no words to explain how it feels to be raped. I begged him not to, but he did it anyway. Initially, I thought he did it because he didn’t want Wolf to be the one that raped me. Then, he came, and it changed from bad to worse.

“Kitty Kat, please look at me.”

I shake my head, “No, and don’t call me that, my name is Katherina.”

“Alright. Katherina, do you know how much he would’ve hurt you? He would’ve torn you apart. I never wanted to have sex with you without your consent. It was either that or let him make it so much worse. I chose the lesser of two evils.”

I glance at him and let him witness my disgust for him, “Damian, you are not the lesser of two evils. You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I can’t believe I ever let you touch me.”

DAMIAN

Her words echo in my head: you are the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I thought the pain was excruciating the night she left me. I was wrong, so wrong. This is unbearable. I inhale a deep breath and let it out slowly. She’s not wrong about how she feels. She’s entitled to it. The fact is rape is never okay. Its damage is lifelong. I’ve seen it with my sister firsthand.

Dalia, from outward appearances, seems fine, but she’s not. My little sister still hasn’t gone on a date. I’m not sure she ever will. Other than myself, and my brothers, she doesn’t trust men. I can’t imagine if one of the men had been someone who claimed to love her. I don’t expect Kat to get past this. There is no chance she’ll ever look at me the way she did two years ago. Hell, I’ll never look at myself the same, either. If I could get my hands on a gun, I’m not sure if I’d want to kill every mother fucker in here or myself.

Kat starts to cry, and it rips my heart open. I want to scoot over to her and put my arms around her, but I can’t. I won’t take away her consent for that too.

I already despise myself for what I’ve done, but the sound of her broken sobs makes it far worse. For the first time in my life, I’m not sure how I’m going to get through this. How many times will I listen to her cries? How many times will I have to rape the woman that owns my heart and soul? I don’t know, but I do know when I get a chance, I’m going to kill these motherfuckers in the slowest possible way.

“Katherina, breathe. Count backward from ten.”

Much to my surprise, she listens, “Ten,” she says in a shaky voice.

“Good girl, keep counting.”

She takes a deep shaky breath, “Nine.”

By the time she gets to one, she seems a little bit calmer. I don’t want her passing out from lack of oxygen in her lungs.

Her blue eyes gaze into mine, “What’s the plan then? You keep raping me until they get bored and kill us both? We’re just going to take it?”

I’ll do nearly anything to keep her talking to me. The sound of her voice brings me comfort. Comfort I don’t fucking deserve, but I’m a piece of garbage, and I’ll take it anyway.

“No, we aren’t. I guarantee you my brothers know I’m missing. It won’t take them long to figure out where I am. If there’s a chance to take him out and get you home, I will take it. When he has dozens of armed men down here there is no window of opportunity. I have to be very careful. If I don’t accomplish what I set out to do, you will pay the price. I’m not willing to risk that.”

She gazes back at the floor like I’ve noticed her doing a lot, “I’m probably going to lose my job.”

The need to touch her is so fucking strong, my goddamn fingers itch with desire. I make fists to control myself, “What do you do for work?”

Her gaze snaps up and connects with mine, and her lips turn into a slight smirk, “I figured you’d know. I’m a Legal Assistant.”

Of course, she’s a legal assistant. It’s the closest she can get to her dream without law school. Shaking my head, I admit, “I kept tabs on you in the beginning, but I had to stop torturing myself. Had you wanted to be with me, you would’ve come back, but you didn’t.”

Kat’s eyes fill with unshed tears, “I came close more than once, but I couldn’t get past people dying because of me. After many sleepless nights, I realized sometimes love isn’t enough. When two people are vastly different, it simply can’t work.”

Arching an eyebrow, I ask, “Have you never heard, opposites attract?”

She shakes her head while rolling her eyes, “Attraction was never our problem, Damian.”

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