One side of his mouth lifted. “Just like that, huh?”
“Just like that. No one’s perfect, Miles. Not even you. And no one who cares about you wants or expects you to be.”
He shook his head. “Toby said the same thing. But making mistakes is dangerous. If I make one on the job, someone could get hurt. Or killed. Making a mistake with my family is just as risky. What if they can’t forgive me? I can’t lose anyone else.”
“That is a frightening thought. But it seems to me you’re not giving them enough credit. And you’re not giving yourself nearly enough grace. Maybe it’s not your family who needs to forgive you. Maybe it’s that you need to forgive yourself.”
“I don’t know how,” he admitted, sliding his hands out from beneath hers and scooping his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know if I deserve anyone’s forgiveness. Even my own.”
“You do. But it’s okay if you don’t believe that quite yet. If you want, we can work on it together.”
He gaze softened. “I’d like that. But in the theme of us being honest, I’m not sure I deserve your help, either. Or your kindness and forgiveness.” Lowering his hands, he wrapped them around her waist and pulled her closer. “And I sure as hell don’t deserve a second chance. But I’ll be damned if I’m giving you up. Not ever again.”
She liked the sound of that. But while she’d managed to share some of her thoughts with him in this safe space on his lap, it was hard for her to share all of them.
Felt impossible for her to trust her feelings.
It didn’t matter how badly she wanted to tell him what was in her heart, she couldn’t give him everything. And while she knew she was safe with him, a part of her still didn’t believe it.
She was still holding something back.
And she hated that. Hated her doubts and fears. How weak she was against them.
But she wasn’t running. She was sitting here, feeling him strong and steady and warm beneath her thighs. She wasn’t running, and she was going to take that as a win.
And remind herself that just because she was weak, didn’t mean she couldn’t get stronger, a little at a time.
Didn’t mean she couldn’t move closer to who she was meant to be. Closer to what she wanted.
A future with him.
***
Miles wondered if he’d said something wrong.
It was the only reason he could think of that Tabitha would be silent for so long, her gaze contemplative and a little sad.
But when he was about to open his mouth to apologize for whatever he’d said to put those doubts in her eyes, she suddenly leaned forward and kissed him, a soft, lingering press of her mouth to his. His cock twitched, but he tamped down the surge of desire. This wasn’t the time for him to get a hard-on for Christ’s sake.
But it didn’t seem to matter that he’d come an hour ago or that he and Tabitha were at the tail end of a serious conversation.
When it came to her, his greedy asshole of a dick was always ready for more.
Especially when she wore his shirt and was naked underneath it.
She kissed him again. And again. Slid the tip of her tongue along his lower lip like she’d done in her kitchen.
But unlike then, he kept his mouth shut.
He wanted to open for her. He wanted, more than anything, to stab his hands into her hair, tip her head back and take over. He wanted to take and take and take from her until the tightness in his chest eased. He wanted to empty out anything, everything, that wasn’t her—his anxiety and guilt and fears.
But the last time he’d let her kiss him like this, he’d ended up choking her with his dick.
And he was trying hard not to go back to his selfish asshole ways.
She smiled against his mouth. “Do you not want me to kiss you?” she murmured, tone as light and teasing as her kisses had been.
He gripped the back of her neck, needing to keep her close, unable to tell her anything except the truth. “No. I do. I like it when you kiss me first.”