He still wanted her secrets.
But now, she was brave enough to give them to him.
Her truths deserved to be heard and cherished. Her secrets to be shared. And kept.
“I was going to,” she told him, her throat tight with a mix of nerves and desire that had her voice coming out thick. Husky. “I even started to, but I knew that even though I would come, it wouldn’t bring me any satisfaction or relief. I knew I’d still be left aching for you. That I’d still be left wanting you.”
His chest swelled on his deep inhale, his eyes flaring with heat, the fingers on her chin twitching.
“Poor baby,” he murmured, dragging the pad of his thumb across her upper lip. “Do you still ache?”
She swallowed. Nodded.
He made a humming sound, but instead of it sounding pleased and arrogant, like her confession was his due, it sounded like praise. Like he was complimenting her on her honesty.
“Do you still want me?” he asked.
Her mouth was so dry, she had to work moisture back into it before she could speak. “I still want you.” She paused. And gave him her whole truth. “But I don’t want to.”
He went still. All but the expressions crossing his face, one blending into the other. Sadness. Disappointment. Understanding.
And finally, acceptance.
“Can you give me your time and patience for just a little bit longer?” he asked.
“I’m not sure.”
Ever since she’d first arrived in Mount Laurel, she felt like she’d been climbing up a hill—a steep, rocky hill with narrow paths that twisted and turned her around again and again until she landed in the exact spot she’d started.
At the bottom looking up. Lost and alone.
But last night… last night she’d finally gained some ground.
She didn’t want to backslide now.
“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” he said softly, repeating her words from that first fateful night in the parking lot. “If you let me ease the ache. It doesn’t have to mean you don’t deserve all those things you want. Everything you told me last night. It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to.”
With him standing so close, his hands on her, she could almost believe that was true. That she could separate what her body wanted from what her mind and pride needed. Sex had often been nothing more to her than a means to an end.
No feelings needed.
But with Miles, she was all feelings. Every look between them, every word spoken, every touch meant something. Each encounter they had changed things between them. Brought them closer and closer to what would either be their final end.
Or a new beginning.
She wasn’t sure which one scared her more.
But she knew for certain which one she wanted.
And maybe, just maybe, he wanted the same one.
She just wasn’t sure that would be enough.
“Miles—”
“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” he repeated quickly. Quietly. “If you let me touch you. If you let me make you feel good.” He slid the hand from her chin around to cup the back of her neck, his gaze earnest. Intense. “It doesn’t have to mean a goddamn thing to you.” He stopped, his throat working as he swallowed, his voice gravely when he spoke again. “But it would mean everything to me.”
Chapter 30