Page 201 of Holding On To Good

He knew what he was supposed to do, what Willow wanted him to do. Be the good guy. The nice guy.

The guy he’d always been.

What had she said? He didn’t have to agree with her decision, he just had to accept it?

He should do that. Should assure her that he’d always be there for her, in whatever capacity she needed.

But beneath the ache in his chest, anger was digging in, sharp and bitter.

And he grabbed a hold of it and held on like it was a lifeline. One meant to keep the pain at bay.

One meant to save what pride he had left.

“I won’t go back.”

His soft words were out before he could think them through. But he wouldn’t take them back. Not when he realized they were the truth.

Frowning, she wiped at her tears. “What?”

“I won’t go back,” he repeated. “You want to be a fucking coward? That’s on you. But I’m moving forward. With or without you.”

“You promised. Downstairs. Just a little bit ago. You swore nothing between us would change.”

“That was a mistake.” He shrugged, a quick jerk of his shoulders that made him feel small. Mean. But she was the one using their history against him like a weapon. Holding his mistakes against him. “Besides, keeping my promises to you hasn’t done me much good.”

Her mouth thinned. “So, you’re going to what? Not talk to me ever again? Not see me? We run a business together.”

As if he needed to be reminded of that. Every goddamn aspect of his life was intertwined with hers. He’d thought he could handle her stepping back. Christ, just minutes ago he’d been willing to do anything he could, give up everything he had, not to lose her.

He’d been wrong.

Call it pride or anger or his fucking ego, but he couldn’t go back to pretending he felt nothing more than friendship for her. Wouldn’t go back to sitting by silently while she went out with other guys.

While she built a life without him.

“Maybe we shouldn’t,” he said.

She crossed her arms like she was holding herself together. “Maybe we shouldn’t what?”

“Maybe we shouldn’t run a business together.”

She drew in a sharp, shocked breath. “You don’t mean that.”

He hesitated. Because even after everything he’d just told himself, even knowing how much it would cost him to get back to how things used to be between them, what he was about to do was going to cost him more.

Losing Willow was the price he had to pay for maybe, someday, finding some small amount of happiness in the future.

It was what he had to do if he was ever going to move on.

“I mean it,” he told her, his words no less powerful, no less honest, despite his quiet tone. “I don’t think I’ve ever meant anything more.”

“But you promised,” she said again on an unsteady whisper. “You gave me your word…”

Yes, he’d given his word that he’d accept their end and go back to how things used to be.

But what he felt for her, what he wanted, should count for something.

And she had no right to act surprised. This was her decision.

---