Page 176 of Holding On To Good

Like the ones he’d already shared.

The only woman I want, the one woman I’ve always wanted, is you.

I’ve wanted you since I was sixteen. It never stopped. Not for me.

And while she couldn’t allow herself to believe that they were somehow meant to be together forever, she did believe his words now. He cared for her and she cared for him. The history they shared, the years of trust, loyalty and affection, bound them together.

His feelings—and hers—were why they needed to stick to her rules.

Straightening, he set his glass on the table. “We don’t talk anymore.”

“What? We talk all the time.”

“Not like we used to. We don’t watch movies or eat takeout together. You stopped coming to Ian’s ball games and Sunday dinner. You barely even look at me during the day and if I get within a foot of you, it’s like you’re about to jump out of your skin.”

Because she was terrified of doing or saying something—a too-long look or a brush of hands or flirtatious remark—that would give them away.

But in doing so, she’d hurt him.

Shame and regret washed through her. She’d been so busy protecting herself, had been so focused on making sure that at the end of this, she’d be able to walk away—if not unscathed, then at least, not completely broken—she hadn’t given a thought to how her walking away was going to affect him.

Hadn’t considered the possibility that the rules she desperately needed to adhere to were hurting him in the meantime.

She took a quick drink of her wine. “I don’t want people to think we’re…” Shaking her head, she took a deep breath and finally settled on, “I don’t want people to get the wrong idea.”

The only people who knew she and Urban were sleeping together were Hayden and Lily and Willow trusted them to keep it to themselves. Hayden was a vault. Period.

And though it was probably killing Lily not to share it with Patton and Rose, she wouldn’t.

Not after Willow had threatened to write her maid-of-honor speech to “We’re All in this Together” from High School Musical and sing it at the reception if she so much as breathed a word of what she knew.

Willow and Urban’s friendly fling wasn’t exactly a secret, but it was contained. Controlled.

But it could only remain contained and controlled if no one else suspected.

“You agreed,” she continued. “You agreed that the best thing would be to keep this part of our friendship private.”

“I did agree.” His pause was heavy. Tense. “But I’ve changed my mind.”

Her knees threatened to buckle and she had to reach out, hold on to the counter to steady herself.

Seemed he’d slipped one more truth in there, after all.

He was ready for their end.

She’d planned for this from the beginning. It was the whole reason behind her rules.

No jealousy. No commitment. No expectations.

And the freedom to end things with no harm, no foul and no questions asked, when either of them so chose.

“I understand,” she whispered.

This was for the best, she told her fluttering heart firmly. They’d done what they’d set out to do. Had appeased their curiosity.

Do you ever wonder?

Now she knew all the things she’d wondered about for so long. The taste of Urban’s kiss, the stroke of his tongue against hers, the slight abrasion of his beard on her cheeks and chin. The feel of his hands sweeping across her body, his palms work-worn, his fingers lightly calloused. She now knew his touch at her center, that it was at turns coaxing and demanding. Knew the size and shape of his cock and the way his body moved inside hers and the sounds he made.

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