Page 199 of Holding On To Good

One who needed to control every outcome.

“We can figure this out,” he continued, settling his free hand on her waist and leaning down to press his face against the side of her neck, his next words a whisper against her skin. “I don’t want us to be done.”

She shut her eyes as longing pierced her, sharp and bittersweet. “It’s not real.”

Lifting his head, he frowned at her. “What?”“It’s not real,” she repeated, opening her eyes.

He eased back. All the better to send her a deeper, darker version of his glower. “What’s not?”

“This… thing between us. It’s not real.”

He straightened by slow degrees, taking his hand from next to her head, but she was still trapped. Held immobile by his big body and the tension rolling off him in waves. “It felt real to me.”

And wasn’t that part of the problem? How real her emotions felt when he touched her? How natural it’d all seemed, being his lover? How easy it was to pretend they had an entire future filled with possibilities?

They didn’t.

Their past made sure of that.

“It was a distraction,” she said.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“You put your entire life on hold when your parents died. Gave up all your dreams and plans so you could take care of your family and now that your responsibility to them is done, it’s time to figure out what you want, but you feel guilty or scared or stuck in the life you’ve made so far—”

“Stuck? Jesus.” He grabbed the back of his neck, his bicep flexing as he squeezed. “I’m not stuck. And know what I want.” He lowered his arm. “I’m not with you because I need a distraction from my life. I’m with you because I want to be.”

“It was supposed to be an experiment,” she reminded him. “An exploration of the attraction between us.”

His eyes narrowed. “A way to appease your curiosity?”

She licked her lips. “A way to appease our curiosity.”

Damn it, he’d agreed to her terms. He didn’t get to act all affronted and hurt now that she was putting those terms into play.

“You trying to tell me you’ve fucked me out of your system, Willow?” he asked in a soft, dangerous tone that had her throat going dry.

“I’m telling you… reminding you… that this was always supposed to be temporary.”

“Temporary,” he repeated on a harsh breath. “Fuck temporary. I want forever.”

Forever.

The word spun in her head making her dizzy. Taunting her until the echo of it was all she heard. A reminder of all her foolish, hopeless dreams. The ones she’d been forced to give up so long ago.

Forever.

They couldn’t have forever. They weren’t a couple of starry-eyed kids who’d just met. They had an entire lifetime of history between them. Choices and mistakes that made forever impossible.

And she wasn’t about to get into a discussion about it. Refused to let him drag her into a conversation about lost hopes and dreams.

Wasn’t about to give him even the slightest chance to try and change her mind.

“I’ve made up my mind,” she told him because, damn it, he wasn’t the only one who got to be stubborn here. Who got to protect themselves behind a wall of quiet and carefully doled out half-truths. “You don’t have to agree with my decision. You don’t have to like it. But you do have to accept it.”

Breathing hard, he stared down at her, pinning her with a look so heated, so vulnerable, she brushed past him.

Before he could put into words what she saw in his eyes.

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