Page 34 of 4-Ever

“Faisel?”

I leaned forward and gripped my hands together tightly, the calluses scratching my knuckles.

“I just can’t jeopardize twenty years of friendship because my dick wants his attention.”

I was incredibly relieved and anxious about voicing how I felt.

Kenzie gave me a small smile. “It sounds like it’s more complicated than that.”

“Is it? Because if it’s not about sex, then I don’t have a clue.”

“Are you sure?” she asked.

No. But I didn’t want to go there.

“I think it’s about more than sex and that’s why you’re struggling. No doubt sexual desire on its own can be powerful and lead to intense feelings. But you and Ronin have been friends for a long time. There’s a lot more involved than just pheromones.”

My chest was suddenly tight.

“I didn’t always feel this way. Before, watching him was like watching Holls or Brodie. It was sexy but that’s all. Nothing more.”

“When did you notice him differently?”

I let out a big sigh. “Before we became famous. A few years ago.”

“And you never told him?”

“Hell no. There was no point. Like I said, I’m not risking our friendship for a fuck.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

I jolted. Love was not a word I used, or thought about, or said, lightly.

“Nope. Never had more than a two-night stand. I have no need for a boyfriend or a relationship. Not with my schedule. And now my addiction. I don’t think I could handle it.”

“And Ronin?”

“He’s the same.”

Kenzie stared at me intently. “Other than concerns about your addiction, why are you so certain that you’ll never have a need for an intimate relationship?”

“No lover will ever be more important to me than him.”

And there it was. As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized what that meant.

Had I ever been in love?

I think I’d already been there. But I refused to admit it.

“No. No fucking way. I can’t…. No.” I stood up and paced the room. “He doesn’t see me that way and telling him how I feel will ruin everything.”

“You don’t know that.”

“But I know him. He’s not shy about letting people know how he feels. If he did want me, he’d have told me by now,” I reasoned. “No. I can’t. And I’m not losing him. I’m just going to have to find a way to get over these feelings. I can work on that, right?”

Kenzie glanced at her watch and then back at me. “Unfortunately, we’re out of time for today. See you next week?”

I’d be there.

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